The nominees are in, the date is set, and the 91st annual Academy Awards are just a week away.

For a period of time, the Academy of Motion Pictures and Sciences reportedly considered showcasing just two of the five Best Original Song nominees, per Variety. But to our excitement, this was wisely walked back. This year, the category is stacked with heavyweights and hits across genres, and they will all be spotlighted on Hollywood’s biggest night.

Fans are already planning to tune in for Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga’s planned rendition of “Shallow” from A Star Is Born. The recent Grammy-winning single is the clear frontrunner for Best Original Song, and Lady Gaga and Mark Ronson’s powerhouse arena anthem has also taken home the Golden Globe and Critics’ Choice Award in this same category. But there’s healthy competition from the beloved superhero blockbuster Black Panther, the Coen Brothers-helmed Western The Ballad of Buster Scruggs, the empowering feminist documentary RGB, and the feel-good nostalgic hit Mary Poppins Returns — and they will make their case at this year’s ceremony.

“All The Stars” from Black Panther

Music by Kendrick Lamar, Mark “Sounwave” Spears, and Anthony “Top Dawg” Tiffith; lyric by Kendrick Lamar, SZA, and Anthony “Top Dawg” Tiffith

Black Panther did not come to play, and it shows: the film’s original soundtrack was helmed by none other than Kendrick Lamar. Lamar enlisted his TDE collaborator SZA for “All the Stars” — she belts out the song’s soaring chorus over strings and hazy beat, while Lamar raps about power and legacy in verse that strives to capture the inner conflict in the film’s protagonist, the king and superhero T’Challa.

“Marvel Studios’ Black Panther is amazing, from its cast to its director. The magnitude of this film showcases a great marriage of art and culture,” Lamar said at the time of the song’s release. “I'm truly honored to contribute my knowledge of producing sound and writing music alongside Ryan [Coogler] and Marvel’s vision.”

The Black Panther soundtrack earned an Album of the Year nomination at this year’s Grammys, and “All The Stars” got a nod in several major categories, including Record and Song of the Year. While the Oscars have extended an invitation to Lamar and SZA to perform, they are the only nominees yet to confirm if they’re taking the stage — although the Academy says the script is still getting last-minute tweaks. This is both Lamar and SZA’s first Oscar nomination.

“When A Cowboy Trades His Spurs For Wings” from The Ballad of Buster Scruggs

Music and lyric by Gillian Welch and David Rawlings

This anthem from The Ballad of Buster Scruggs makes a 180-degree turn into Americana and country (complete with a harmonica!). While Buster Scruggs star Tim Blake Nelson and Willie Watson sing in the film, the Academy announced that Gillian Welch and David Rawlings, the longtime country singer-songwriters who wrote “When A Cowboy Trades His Spurs For Wings,” will be performing at this year’s ceremony.

The song — which tells the mournful yet tongue-in-cheek story about a duel between two cowboys — is playfully rendered in the style of Johnny Cash or Willie Nelson. Speaking to Variety, Welch said “When A Cowboy Trades His Spurs For Wings” is a loving send-up of a classic style of country music, complete with twang and a few “yippee-kay-ay”s.

“The more peculiar restraints you put upon a song, the more fun it is, so this was kind of a dream assignment,” Welch said. “And [the Coens] didn’t tell us to do this, but if you’re writing a gunfight song between two singing cowboys, who wouldn’t love the opportunity to put some yodeling in?”

“I’ll Fight” from RGB

Music and lyric by Diane Warren

Ten-time Academy Award nominee Diane Warren is the songwriting superpower behind “I’ll Fight,” which was created for the Ruth Bader Ginsburg documentary RBG (which is also nominated for an Oscar in the Best Documentary category). The song is performed by Jennifer Hudson, who will be taking the stage at the Oscars, per the Academy.

In conversation with the American Society of Composers, Authors, and Publishers, Warren said she envisioned a song that conveyed strength and perseverance.

“It’s almost like Jennifer Hudson’s voice became [Ginsburg’s] avatar — because that’s what she really sounds like to us,” Warren said. “She’s a diva! She’s a notorious RBG. So I didn’t want it to be soft. I wanted it to have power.”

Warren has made a name for herself by capturing big, powerful emotion in her music: she’s previously been nominated for Oscars for her work on Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing,” Celine Dion’s “Because You Loved Me,” and fellow nominee Lady Gaga’s “Til It Happens To You.”

“The Place Where Lost Things Go” from Mary Poppins Returns

Music by Marc Shaiman; lyric by Scott Wittman and Marc Shaiman

The Academy, ever so cryptic, confirmed that “The Place Where Lost Things Go” will be performed at the show after all — but left some key information out.

“Spoiler Alert: ‘The Place Where Lost Things Go’ from ‘Mary Poppins Returns’ will be performed on the #Oscars,” the Academy tweeted. “BONUS SPOILER ALERT: It will be performed by a surprise special guest!”

The immediate thought is that Emily Blunt will be taking the stage to reprise the song — but a Deadline report says that option is off the table. Maybe the “surprise special guest” is someone else as Mary Poppins? Or will the rest of the Mary Poppins Returns cast stage a heartwarming rendition of the song?

Either way, prepare for some feels. In the film, Mary Poppins sings “The Place Where Lost Things Go” to comfort the young Banks children, and songwriters Marc Shaiman and Scott Wittman are no strangers to capturing sweeping emotion in song — this is Shaiman’s seventh Oscar nomination, and he’s also up for Best Original Score.

“Shallow” from A Star Is Born

Music and lyric by Lady Gaga, Mark Ronson, Anthony Rossomando, and Andrew Wyatt

There could be 100 people in a room, and 99 of them don't believe in you, but all it takes is one — and when Bradley Cooper took a chance on Lady Gaga, “Shallow” was born.

“Shallow” is a rare arena rock anthem that has become a beloved hit since its release last year. According to Vulture, if “Shallow” takes home Oscars gold, it will mark only the fourth time in the 21st century that an actual chart-topping hit wins for Best Original Song — but it could pave the way for future pop hits to be real contenders for Hollywood’s most prestigious award.

And it’s looking good for “Shallow.” Even when A Star Is Born was shut out of major awards such as the Golden Globes, “Shallow” has persevered, racking up award after award and delivering some electrifying performances from Lady Gaga (and, sometimes, Cooper). The pair will take the stage (though Cooper says he won’t be in character, unfortunately) at the ceremony, and it’s safe to say: we’re far from the shallow now.

The 91st Academy Awards will be held on Sunday, February 24 at 8 p.m. EST.

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Behold: the Coutts Bank building! A giant piece of prime real estate on London's Strand, about half the size of Charing Cross Station, reserved for the very special elite and their very special bank accounts. This is where Mary Katrantzou decided to host her AW19 show — one focussed on the Ionian elements. You know: earth, wind, fire, water.

There was an irony to the setting, although perhaps not intentional, in that these elements which were once thought to have formed the basis for all human life, the thing that unites all peoples, were explored within the walls of a place reserved for those who bounce around the one percent. Fashion often feels inappropriate in its inaccessibility, but this felt like an accidental celebration of that. Upon exiting the space, London’s homelessness crisis seemed never more apparent. And yet we must talk about the clothes.

And the clothes were good. A far departure from Katrantzou’s SS19 collection — which celebrated a decade of the brand — it seemed the Greek designer stepped away from complex, clever prints, techniques and constructions, and made a collection steeped in emotion, in feeling, and full-on feathers.

Air was captured in the big, floaty volumes where marabou feathers — in everything from ombre pastels to earth tones — shrouded the body like vibrating clouds. Katrantzou invoked fire and earth in colour: deep oranges, burnt reds, evergreens and browns. Water was represented in cascades of organza concertinaed around the neck and the body. It was elemental, it’s where we came from, and at moments — despite the setting and the fact a dress probably costs my yearly salary — it really felt that way.

Silhouettes jumped between floaty and sharp, light and languid, and prints looked like scorched earth. Whole landscapes found their way onto dresses in full sequins or foils, combining Katrantzou’s new direction with her signature skill for brilliant print.

It’s perfect for any season, actually — go for big, powdery silhouettes, but nip it in at the waist. Work with earth tones — whether deep brown, plum or pastel pink. Any colour you can find in nature will instantly ground the wardrobe, even if it is covered in marabou stork feathers. There’s something so glorious in knowing that Katrantzou must have watched at least one episode of Drag Race — because the boas and ‘bou were pure main stage eleganza.

Far from political, Katrantzou is a brand for women by women. And in her deep delve into the elements, what she found was that woman is all: she’s free and forceful like air, hot and sharp like fire, unstoppable like water, and full of life like the earth. It’s just a shame that to be all those things you have to have a Coutts card, darling.

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After 11 years working as a producer on hit US TV show The Bachelor, Alycia Rossiter was done with dating shows. She had moved onto other realms of reality TV — currently, she's working on a show that reunites the casts of high school musicals as adults for Us Tv network ABC.

Then came a proposal for Dating Around, a Netflix vehicle with a tantalisingly simple premise: Six single people going on five first dates — that’s all. Rossiter was intrigued. “It was a rare thing that I accepted a dating show proposal,” Rossiter told Refinery29 over the phone. “I’m tired of the things that used to work. The truth is, The Bachelor is a fantasy show about Cinderella. The Bachelor isn't real. This show, to me, felt like what real people do: Try to connect with others through conversation.”

Dating Around was built to break the mould that dating shows like The Bachelor created. “When you would normally turn left, turn right on this show. Do the opposite of your instincts,” co-creator Paul Franklin told Refinery29 of the Dating Around philosophy. After over a decade of Bachelor and its byproducts, our learned “instincts” for a dating show include expecting loads of drama, cutaway interviews with cast-members, and a built-in sense of direction — is this couple headed toward the aisle?

Co-creators Franklin and Chris Culvenor didn't bother re-fashioning these old tropes. They discarded them entirely. Taking to the streets of New York, producers looked for people outside the set of veneer-wearing, glossy individuals typically seen on dating shows. While Dating Around begins fairly conventionally, with a telegenic real estate agent dating five beautiful women, it unfolds to feature a diverse population more representative of New York. For example, we see the dating life of Leonard, a widower in his 70s, and Mila, a queer Black woman. “Different varieties of people date in different ways. That’s something we were really excited to explore,” Culvenor said.

When designing the show, Franklin and Culvenor looked to online dating landscape for inspiration. As a springboard, they asked themselves what dating really looks like for single people in 2019.

“One thing that people who are dating in today's modern world have to deal with is this kind of cacophony of choice. The various personalities. The various places. The visceral experience of a constant stream of people going in and out of your life,” said Culvenor, adding that the show's cast immediately got the show's premise. “All of them could relate to what it’s like being out on that dating scene. These are the stories that they tell their friends on weekends over brunch.”

As we've noted before, online dating has yet to penetrate the pop culture landscape to the same degree that it's a part of single people's reality. In TV and film, online dating is typically relegated to a punchline. While Dating Around isn't explicitly about swiping on Tinder, it certainly depicts the “exhausting and exhilarating” schedule of a life shaped around swipes, as Franklin puts it.

That said, Rossiter notes that Dating Around is a step removed from online dating in that it eliminates any possibility for pre-judgment (aka internet stalking). “I didn’t tell them a damn thing about the person they were going to meet that day,” Rossiter said. “There’s something really great about standing in front of a restaurant and waiting for the person to show up and that smell, the look in their eye, what they’re wearing — all of it is fresh. And you’re either excited or you’re not.”

In that sense, Dating Around is more social experiment than conventional dating show, concerned with how we present ourselves in these social interactions set up with the express deliberation of finding a partner. By weaving the five dates together, the show takes on a Groundhog Day-esque quality. The camera shows Sarah telling a story on one date, then cuts to her on another date, finishing up the same tale. “Everyone clicks into a dating version of themselves. They tell the same stories, the same jokes,” Culvenor says. “That’s really telling, on how we present ourselves to the world around us.”

Essentially, Dating Around was meant to show dating as it is: sometimes awkward, sometimes seamless, full of silences, full of surprises. To achieve that realism, producers were extremely hands-off on the dates. Rossiter says the only time she spoke to cast-members was during the breaks between set changes, as opposed to the The Bachelor, when producers are heavily involved.

But without the producers' prodding, would the show work? At the start of filming, Culvenor and Franklin briefly questioned whether a story would ultimately unfold from the ingredients they put together. “We set the stage. We cast the people. But what’s going to happen? It's like, we’re in the car, but we’re not holding onto the steering wheel,” Franklin recalled.

Their worry was unfounded — drama certainly ensued. In one memorable moment, a date that begins with crackling flirtation ends with a cruel take-down. On another dating show, the camera might change the music to indicate the sudden change in mood and zoom in on Gurki's face as she's insulted. These cues would tell the viewers how to read the interaction. However, Dating Around films the moment seamlessly, allowing us to interpret the scene.

That's because Dating Around has no goal beyond depicting the present. It's here where Dating Around is its most provocative — and perhaps frustrating, for those of us raised on a diet of dating shows. The Bachelor, famously, concludes in a proposal. One of the contestants wins the game of love.

Dating Around, on the other hand, merely ends with the insinuation of a second date. The episode's subject chooses one person, and together they walk into the city.

For Rossiter, that's the most romantic part of Dating Around. “Romance for me isn’t about the second date. Romance is possibility. I think the ending of our show is possibility. It's a city with millions of people, and into that crowd you walk alone, looking for someone, or with someone else. What's going to happen?” Rossiter says.

Maybe something will happen. Maybe nothing will. But ultimately, knowing what happens next isn't the point of Dating Around.

“The beauty of this show is that nothing happens. Somehow, audiences have come to grow accustomed to real people having extraordinary, not comfortable days. That’s not really what I’m interested in putting on television. I think that our country’s a mess right now. Let’s put a good day on TV,” Rossiter said.

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Sex is one of the basic pleasures of life, but the orgasm is anything but simple — especially for people with vaginas.

The complexity begins with your anatomy. While you probably know that generally, your journey to orgasm starts with vaginal or clitoral stimulation, you might not realise that there's still debate among researchers about the exact anatomy of the clitoris. The most visible part of this intriguing organ is the small bundle of extra-sensitive nerve endings that sits right underneath where the two inner labia meet up top. From there, the clitoris actually extends internally in two shafts that sit along either side of the vagina. Experts may still be mapping the clitoris in full, but pretty much everyone understands the sexual purpose: pleasure.

To understand your orgasm, you should also know that the vaginal canal is lined with the soft tissue of the mucous membrane covering layers of stretchy muscle. (This canal leads to the cervix, a narrow passageway that sits in front of the uterus. This is the long journey upon which sperm must embark in order to fertilise an egg. Some research suggests that the female orgasm may help improve your chances of getting pregnant by improving “sperm retention” but you have to time it right.)

During arousal, you'll notice your heart rate increase, your skin may begin to feel (and look) flushed, and your genitals will swell with blood. But you're also building up a lot of muscle tension throughout your body.

Once you reach orgasm, the muscles in your vagina, anus and uterus involuntarily rhythmically contract and then relax. Hence that awesome feeling of “release”.

At the same time, your brain is working up quite a potent cocktail of chemicals. That includes the neurotransmitter dopamine, which is commonly associated with pretty much anything that feels good. But during an orgasm, you're also getting a huge release of oxytocin, which can promote feelings of closeness and empathy.

Also, according to a small 2006 study published in the European Journal of Neuroscience, there's some evidence that, in women, the brain's hippocampus and amygdala show decreased activity during sex — but before climaxing. Both of those areas are associated with emotional regulation, especially fear and anxiety. And during orgasm, activity decreased in other brain areas, too. That suggests that feeling safe and relaxed may be especially important for women to reach an orgasm.

But every body is different, and there's way more than one way to get to an orgasm. What works for one person won't necessarily work for everyone else. The good news is orgasms all feel great. But the better news is that they come with plenty of health benefits, too.

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A post shared by Curly Hair (@curlwiz) on Feb 14, 2019 at 6:07am PST

Curly hair has a mind of its own. You might like to think you have your routine nailed, but some days, those perfectly defined corkscrews fall flat, the mousse you usually rely on makes your strands feel crunchy and you're followed around by a halo of frizz thanks to curly hair's propensity for dryness. Luckily, top hairstylist and curl pro Larry King is on hand to show us how to get pristine curls every single time – and there is only a handful of steps you really need to master.

How to care for curly hair post-shower

Don't sabotage your curls by making this mistake.

“The way you dry curly hair is so important because the approach is very different to any other hair type,” Larry told R29, and it all starts with how you dry it. “Contrary to popular belief, those with curly hair should dry their hair from soaking wet,” Larry continued. “Scrunch the dampness out but don’t towel dry it at all. In fact, never towel dry curly hair because it creates frizzing straightaway.”

And being gentle goes for all hair types. According to trichologist Guy Parsons, hair stretches to one-third of its length when wet and is easily snappable, so rough drying it will only chip away at the hair cuticle, causing frizz, split ends and visibly broken hairs. “Don't rub it vigorously with a towel as that will only cause damage,” said Larry.

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A post shared by K A T ? (@kats.curls) on Feb 12, 2019 at 12:04pm PST

How to choose the right products

Before letting loose with a hairdryer, nail your product selection. When it comes to curly hair, Larry opts for a combination of cream and mousse, applied directly to soaking wet hair.

“I'd suggest applying something like Redken Curvaceous Full Swirl Cream Serum, £19.40 (two or three pumps is ample, depending on the thickness of your hair) followed by Redken Full Effect 04 All-Over Nourishing Mousse, £19.55.” Once you've raked this through your hair with your hands, Larry advises using your fingers to give your curls extra definition. “Twist certain areas around them and then proceed to diffuse the curls dry.” In salon, Larry uses the Dyson Supersonic Hairdryer, £299.96. If that's out of your budget, try BaByliss Diamond Hairdryer, £54.99.

How to blow-dry curly hair

You can use your hands to distribute product and to twist your curls but the key to achieving perfectly defined lengths is not to touch them at all when heat is applied. First, you'll need to attach a diffuser, which, according to the pros, is non-negotiable when drying curly hair.

“People with curly hair always have a tendency to touch it, and the moment you start touching it is when it goes frizzy,” said Larry. Simply tip your head upside down and let your hair fall into the diffuser. “I always suggest putting one hand in your pocket and letting the diffuser do everything,” continued Larry. “Put Netflix on your phone, sit there and just keep diffuse drying. You'll get really defined curls.” Simple.

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A post shared by C U R L S & C O ™ (@thecurlsandco) on Feb 14, 2019 at 10:29am PST

How to make your curls glossy

To prevent any featheriness, Larry suggests finishing with a lightweight spray oil. “Apply this to the roots and ends where your hair might get fluffy,” he said. It's easier to spritz into the palm of your hands and to concentrate the product where needed, than to spray directly onto hair. Try Kérastase Elixir Ultime Le Voile Hair Oil, £31.05, or OGX Renewing Moroccan Argan Oil Weightless Reviving Dry Oil, £7.35.

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There's that scene in When Harry Met Sally, when Billy Crystal – inexplicably cast as some sort of sexual conqueror of women despite a seriously dodgy sweater collection – tells Meg Ryan with all the confidence of a fully average straight white man that no woman has ever faked it with him.

Her response? She fakes it. Slams her hands on the table and screams “YES YES YES!” at the top of her lungs. Right in the middle of the packed-out Katz's Deli.

“I'll have what she's having”, says a lady a few tables over as Billy shrinks down inside his monstrous jumper, chastened and embarrassed.

The mistake Billy made in that movie is the same mistake that men are still making 30 years later by not realising that 'faking it' isn't just a trick women pull out of the bag for the odd occasion of bad sex they might have after five Jägerbombs and a night of grinding to slow jams. No, it's a skill that's been in most women's repertoire since they first started having sex, thanks to an ingrained idea that we need to look and act a certain way in order for our partner to buy into the idea that they've just experienced 'good' sex.

It's not just limited to straight women – 59% of lesbians admitted to faking it with a female partner at some point. And it's no wonder – growing up exposed solely to ideals of sexual pleasure dictated by a man's worldview has left many women with the subconscious impression that performing for their partner, rather than zeroing in on their own needs, is how sex is 'done' – a mindset that's not exactly conducive to multiple orgasms.

Things are changing as more women realise that sexual pleasure isn't just a nice bonus, it is their right. It is insane that it's taken until now to realise that we don't have to suffer through awkward fumbles before faking an orgasm out of 'politeness'. And yet here we are.

Recently the conversation about female pleasure feels like it's gone into overdrive. Campaigns like the Pink Protest's #girlswanktoo have been ending the shame many women still feel about masturbation, podcasts like F**ks Given and Laid Bare talk openly and graphically about everything and anything to do with sex, female-led sex tech companies like Dame and Unbound are creating colourful sex toys that look nothing like the phallic rabbit from the Sex and the City era.

In porn, established women filmmakers like Erika Lust and Petra Joy are being joined by a super talented younger generation of wildly artistic and experimental filmmakers (see: Vex Ashley). Elsewhere, lifestyle and health stores like Boots and SODA are adding sex toys to their stock and a huge number of fabulously Instagrammable lubes that wouldn't look out of place next to your Glossier beauty products are popping up left and right. In short, 2019 marks the year that female pleasure takes centre stage. Which is why we're devoting a whole week to talking about it.

We ask where we went wrong in our initial approach, how to get pleasure solo or with a partner and, more importantly, how to ask for it. We're going to be seeking help from tantric practitioners and meditation gurus, hold a celebration of masturbation and check in on what orgasms and pleasure mean to different photographers.

We're also going to put our serious hats on to investigate why female pleasure isn't taught in sex education, look at what antidepressants are doing to our ability to reach orgasm, and we're going to ask why there's not more research into the science of female pleasure.

So strap in (or on) for a week of no-holds-barred, upfront and frank conversation about getting off – because, as you'll find out in one of our upcoming articles, there are 14(!!) different types of orgasm and you, my friend, deserve all of them.

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For the past four and a half years, I’ve been single. Most of the time it has been just fine, as I have more than enough to keep myself busy. Between running a consulting firm, sitting on three nonprofit boards, writing a book, finding time to exercise, visiting with friends, and entertaining my three-year-old rescue pup, Phoebe, I find the feeling of loneliness is kept at bay.

However, every year around late October or early November, as Christmas decorations begin appearing in store windows and holiday songs are played on the radio ad nauseam, I begin to feel a twinge of sadness. By early December, the entire world seems to be counting down the days to the last two weeks of the year. Me, well, I’m counting down the days until the holidays are over.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not a Scrooge, and I’ve often loved the celebrations that take place leading up to and throughout the holiday season. I’m Jewish, but during my entire childhood I begged for a Christmas tree (with no success, I’m afraid). And I have happy memories of celebrating the season with my significant others during the years when I was married, and later in a long-term relationship.

But these past four years, it has truly been a struggle. No kids, no parents, and no partner meant that most likely I would be solo or a third wheel at a friend’s dinner. It wasn’t until this year that I finally made a decision to shake things up and get the hell out of town. In the past, I had always dragged my feet because the cost of holiday travel is so high that I could practically take two trips for what it would cost me to vacation between December 20 and January 2.

No kids, no parents, and no partner meant that most likely I would be solo or a third wheel at a friend’s dinner. It wasn’t until this year that I finally made a decision to shake things up and get the hell out of town.

But in early December, a dear friend piqued my interest when she told me about a four-night, five-day Lindblad Expeditions/NatGeo/Exhale journey in the Sea of Cortez. The trip sounded amazing: sunrise yoga each morning, daily stops to islands for hiking, kayaking, paddle-boarding, beach yoga, snorkelling, and just relaxing. Initially, I was reluctant to take a cruise — I always assumed it would be something I did when I reached my 80s, when my energy levels and ADHD were finally curtailed.

Nevertheless, this journey sounded like the opposite of a slow-moving, massive cruise and far more enticing. I figured that there would be enough activity to keep me, an energetic, solo traveler, busy and engaged. And the dates were perfect: We’d depart on December 26 and return to port on December 30, which meant I would miss the whole holiday week. I started to book my trip and was immensely relieved to learn that the most cost-effective flights would depart early on Christmas Day and return very late on New Year’s Eve. No need to worry about finding a party or things to do on either holiday. I was over the moon.

As the days grew closer to departure, though, I found myself getting a bit apprehensive. Who would I talk to? What if I got seasick? What if my room was claustrophobic? What if there was no Internet? (Yes, pathetic, I know!) I talked myself off the ledge, however, and reminded myself that it was only five days. Worst-case scenario, I had books to read and plenty of work that I could do.

In the end, I had nothing to worry about. The ship was brand new, and my cabin was larger than my first studio apartment in New York City, with a queen-size bed and extra-fluffy down pillows. I had two giant windows and a large bathroom with a shower that had better water pressure than mine in Brooklyn.

Before we set sail, all 80 passengers gathered in the main cabin for Champagne and cookies. I quickly scanned the room and immediately realised I was the only solo passenger. Families, couples, children, and me. But I wasn’t bothered by that. A few years back, I might have been nervous and maybe even a wee bit despondent, but not this time. In a way, I looked at it as an adventure. I could choose my daily activities without consulting with anyone. Yoga at sunrise? Maybe. Kayaking along the shore? Maybe. Snorkelling with sea lion cub pups? Yes. Aerobic hiking? Yes. Beach yoga? No. And no one would talk me out of any decisions. They were mine to make, and quite frankly, that was empowering.

I found myself getting a bit apprehensive. Who would I talk to? What if I got seasick? What if my room was claustrophobic? What if there was no Internet? (Yes, pathetic, I know!)

Still, I had to laugh when my sister texted me to see if there were any hot, single men on the cruise. When I told her there were not, she texted back immediately and asked about the crew.

I didn’t find my soul mate, but each day was filled with new adventures. Starting the morning with sunrise yoga led by a guru from Exhale Spa was truly magical. I’m a little embarrassed to admit I’m not a yoga fan, but watching the sun first peer above the horizon over the Sea of Cortez made every downward dog beyond worth it. Snorkelling with the baby sea lion cubs was a spectacular experience, and I so adored interacting with the little pups who were enthralled with our bubbles. I spent the afternoons exploring the different islands, taking in the stunning vistas, and relaxing on the sun-kissed beaches. Nothing beat diving into the cool water after returning from a two-hour hike.

But I was most moved on the day I finally spotted dolphins. I’ve visited beaches on six continents, but I’d never seen one in the wild. Well, my day finally came. And I didn’t just see one or two, but hundreds and hundreds racing beside our ship for over an hour one afternoon as we sailed between islands. It was a glorious sight, and one I will never forget. I took it as a good omen for the coming new year and convinced myself it symbolised that some exciting opportunities were coming in my near and far future.

The last morning, as we disembarked at the port in La Paz, I was a bit sad to see the journey come to an end. It had been such a unique and enchanting five days making new friends and learning more about the natural world. I was hesitant to fly back to the craze of New York City, not to mention the cold weather. Nonetheless, I felt recharged, rested, and excited to tackle 2019.

I landed back in New York very late on New Year’s Eve and headed to my sister’s home in Brooklyn. I snuggled with her pup, Loofah, and looked forward to waking up in the new year with my sister and her family. I loved my time away, but I was glad to be home.

Maybe it sounds cliché, but you’re never too old to experience new adventures. Solo travel isn’t reserved for twentysomethings trying to escape the grind, or fortysomethings trying to find themselves. And at the end of the day, self-care is not just about relishing your routine but pushing yourself outside your comfort zone, taking a risk, and enjoying the view.

Susan McPherson, founder and CEO of McPherson Strategies, is the cupid of corporate responsibility — inexhaustibly connecting good people with one another so they can do great things. Whether hosting a panel on that status of refugees, writing on the most cutting edge communications strategies for Fast Company, or serving on one of half a dozen boards, she brings infectious enthusiasm and studied strategic thinking.

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“The doctor will see you now” was perhaps Supriya Lele’s first thought for her AW19 collection. Inspired, as ever, by her family, Supriya took a delve into the matriarchs in her lineage, many of whom are doctors. Different from her, yes, but here the young and fantastically smart designer proved once again that she can use what her mother gave her (her brain, of course) to create a collection brimming with intersects — visual, intellectual and emotional.

It was the designer’s second ever presentation out there on her own, since she strode from under the umbrella of London’s NewGen scheme, which supports the UK’s brightest design stars. It’s a scary thing to face the fashion schedule alone but, as evidenced by this collection, it looks brilliant on Supriya.

Set in what felt like a doctor-cum-dominatrix’s office, brown PVC flaps and bright LED ring lights plunged the collection into a clinical setting. But the clothes were far from clinical: light blues, mauves and acid yellowish-greens (one of Lele’s signature colours) created the backbone of the collection, in the form of sheer mesh rollnecks and smartly draped dresses.

Outerwear — like a standout brown leather with a fire orange faux fur trim, or an evergreen ladies-who-lunch coat — was sharp, powerful and invoked feelings of concealing it all, only to drop the coat at the door and take charge of yet another worthless man.

Lele’s collections are always in conversation with sex and sexuality. But unlike so many of the sex references we’re used to from men who design for women, there’s a thoughtfulness and a quietness to the way sex and fetishism appear in Lele’s work. There were small leathery aprons, dresses which zipped all the way down, and skirts split up to the hip bone. Touches of PVC and shimmering knitwear were like liquid layers atop skin, and teeny-tiny bralets sat above layers and created a cinched silhouette just above the breast. It’s strange, it makes you want to look for longer.

A little NHS blue — like a dress in the colour of nurse’s scrubs — and white tights reminded us of the medicinal properties of the looks. The ways to wear can be found in layering: sheer on sheer, with PVC or nylon on top. Colours should be muted and bright together, powdery and strong. Imagine unusual silhouettes: nipped at the bust or broad sleeves just below the shoulder.

In the past, Lele has looked at the men in her life, cutting patterns from her dad’s shirts and old masculine trench coats, mixing it with her beautiful sari draping. This season took a turn toward more feminine cuts (although we all know clothing has no gender) but at no point was it twee, nor did it lose its strength. Each season, Lele proves that the key to good design is focus, thought, a many-layered approach. It’s a pretty tricky job to make mothers, doctors and dominatrixes seem like the perfect mix, yet Lele pulled it off perfectly. I’m sick… for Supriya!

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The answer is no: Beyoncé isn’t a vegan.

And no, Jay-Z isn’t either.

The New York Times put an end to recent speculation with information straight from Bey and Jay’s personal trainer, Marco Borges: “Beyoncé eats ‘a plant-based’ — i.e. vegan — ‘breakfast daily’ and consumes no meat on Mondays. Jay-Z eats ‘two plant-based meals a day.’”

So perhaps the best way to characterise the superstars is as part-time vegans (or rather, excuse me, part-time “plant-based” dieters). And “part-time” is key here, as it seems that Beyoncé’s food schedule only flirts with veganism while leaving ample opportunity for some pizza or ice cream on the side. The trail of evidence for this goes back for years: The New York Times did its due diligence and dug up a Destiny’s Child-era video of Beyoncé declaring her lifelong love for Popeyes fried chicken. “We’ve all promised ourselves that we will stay the same people,” she said emphatically when asked how the trio will navigate fame. “[We] still like Popeyes chicken…”

The article also cited a 2015 email to The New York Times where Beyoncé explicitly said, “First it’s important that you know I am not a vegan.” This was in response to an article about how she and Jay were touting their newfound love for — and business investment in — the vegan lifestyle.

This revelation might be of interest to any curious potential vegans thinking about entering the new Greenprint Project sweepstakes the superstar couple is currently promoting through 22 Days Nutrition, a food company co-owned by Bey, Jay, and Borges.

To be clear, fans don’t actually have to go vegan to enter the sweepstakes. They simply have to sign up for and promote the Greenprint Project online for the chance to win Beyoncé and Jay-Z concert tickets for life (or, rather, for up to 30 years). Bey did it herself, sharing two images that read: “My Greenprint is Plant-based for breakfast” and “My Greenprint is Meatless Mondays.” In the process, it appears that Bey and Jay want their fans to learn about the benefits of cutting out meat from their lives, and perhaps even adopting a “plant-based” diet themselves.

But that’s where it gets a bit confusing. According to The New York Times, the Greenprint lifestyle is easy to conflate with veganism, but — and this cannot be stressed enough — this is a “plant-based” program. Through 22 Days Nutrition, Greenprint practitioners can even opt into different “plant-based” meal kit options, all of which are soy, dairy, and gluten-free.

Yes, we know what you’re thinking: that looks and sounds exactly like veganism (because, well, it is). Marketing materials for 22 Days Nutrition even use the phrase “Vegan Time” to promote their products, as Beyoncé used that same expression in a few Instagram captions when she was prepping for Coachella.

As Borges explained to The New York Times, “The term vegan typically refers to people who avoid all animal products (meat, dairy, leather, fur, etc…) not just in their diet but also in their lives.” But although it has her stamp of approval, it appears that not even Queen Bey is all plant-based (or vegan, rather) all the time.

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New information has come to light in the Steven Avery case that his attorney, Kathleen Zellner, believes could exonerate him, and she is convinced the Wisconsin attorney general’s office is “trying to deceive” the court by destroying evidence.

The evidence in question isn’t totally new to the case. It is the bone fragments of the victim, Teresa Halbach. Originally, it was said that the fragments were discovered at Avery’s home in his burn pit and burn barrel. What the original reports didn’t say was that there is evidence that fragments were also discovered at another location, reports Rolling Stone. Avery’s defence would have never known, had it not been for a police report Zellner claims she received in December 2018 from an anonymous third party. The report, filed on September 20, 2011, indicates that “human bones” recovered during the investigation were collected from locations that prosecutors claimed had nothing to do with the murder. The fragments were then removed from the Calumet County sheriff’s department’s evidence control unit and transferred to a local funeral home which then “returned” them to the Halbach family in 2011. Zellner believes that these additional bone fragments would have been a step toward proving the longtime defence theory that Halbach was killed and burned at another location.

The Manitowoc County quarry, the second location in the report, contained three burn piles. One of the piles contained what is believed to be a fragment of a human pelvis. All of them contained bones which were labeled by law enforcement as “human” or “suspected human.” At the trial, the prosecution downplayed the likelihood that the bones were human.

Zellner has tried to have testing done on the bone fragments since 2016; however, her efforts have been met with resistance. Zellner’s request was initially approved in 2017, then denied by the circuit court. The examination is now on hold pending approval by the Court of Appeals. She believes the bones could have been destroyed.

According to Wisconsin law, law enforcement is required to preserve “any biological material” and “physical evidence” until the convicted defendant has been discharged from prison. If you watched the Netflix docuseries, Making A Murderer, or followed the case, you’ll know that Avery is serving a life sentence with the possibility of parole. A state statute protects his rights to retain evidence that may be reasonably used in his case.

“It isn’t just the pelvic bone, there’s about 10 bones that were recovered from the quarry,” Zellner explained to Rolling Stone. “By giving them [to the Halbach family]…they have just confirmed they believe those bones are human. It’s a very sneaky way to get evidence destroyed. It seems very deliberate that the thinking was, ‘We need to get rid of those bones, but we can’t just go in and cremate them ourselves.’”

Zellner has submitted numerous letters to supplement a January 24, 2018 motion that accuses prosecutors of violating state law and Avery’s constitutional rights by destroying evidence and “obstructing” her ability to find out. She has submitted letters following up on her motion as recently as this week.

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In 2019, a biopic about Ruth Bader Ginsburg, the US Supreme Court justice carries a monstrous weight of expectations on its shoulders.

The past year included more #MeToo reckonings, the Brett Kavanaugh saga, the detention of thousands of children in camps along the US/Mexico border, and a midterm election in America marred with claims voter suppression (not to mention RBG herself breaking three ribs) so the origin story of a liberal female Supreme Court superhero is a heavy lift.

On The Basis of Sex does its best. It’s a solid example of the genre, which offers some truly inspiring moments, but somehow also already feels dated, a relic of a simpler time when we believed that doing the right thing and persevering ensured success and justice.

Directed by Mimi Leder, the film’s action is divided over three momentous periods in young Ruth’s (Felicity Jones) life: 1956, when she begins her first year at Harvard Law School, and has to juggle sexism and misogyny, mountains of classwork, motherhood, and her beloved husband Marty’s (Armie Hammer) colon cancer diagnosis; the early 1960s, when Ruth, who graduated at the top of her class, is turned down for jobs at 12 law firms on account of her gender; and the early 1970s, when Ruth, now a law professor at Rutgers University, takes up her first gender discrimination case (1972’s Moritz v. Commissioner) alongside Marty, and ACLU lawyer Mel Wulf (Justin Theroux).

That last part takes up the bulk of the film’s run time, but in many ways, it’s the middle segment — the shortest — that builds up the most interesting tension.

The film establishes early on that RGB is an exceptional person. She’s phenomenally smart and driven, able to grasp complicated legal concepts quickly and then articulate them precisely. She can multitask to the extreme. By all logic, she’s a woman who should go on to do great things. And though we, as an audience, know that she does, On The Basis Of Sex deftly puts forward the idea that it wasn’t always a given.

One scene in particular, in which Ruth and Marty attend a work party of his in New York, sticks with you. Ruth’s nerves are already frayed from a previous run-in with teenage daughter Jane (a wonderful Cailee Spaeny), who basically calls her a Stepford wife sellout for not letting her go to a Gloria Steinem rally. (Offhand comments from Marty’s law partners like, “You’re a smart girl Ruthie, you married a star,” certainly don’t help.) But it’s later, as they’re walking home, that things get interesting. Ruth confronts Marty, telling him she doesn’t appreciate being put down in front of his colleagues. He responds with confusion: she’s a law professor, helping mould the next generation of lawyers — what does she have to feel insecure about? But that’s just it. Ruth isn’t satisfied taking a backseat to the young women in her class. She wants to do great things herself. Those are messy, jealous, petty feelings that real women have.

On The Basis of Sex is most effective when it brings Ruth out of the realm of superhero justice crusader and back down to earth. Her sometimes strained relationship with daughter Jane is a good example. Ruth is shown to be proud of her daughter, but deep down, she also resents her a little bit for having opportunities that she didn’t. That generational divide between women is one of the most interesting narrative threads in the film, reinforced by a great supporting performance by Kathy Bates as Ruth’s legal idol Dorothy Kenyon.

Less compelling are the ra-ra-feminism moments that make Ruth out to be some kind of perky optimist. (My neck may never recover from the full-body cringe at the line “it could topple the whole damn system of discrimination.”) The script, written by Ginsberg’s nephew Daniel Stiepleman, is clunky, despite his illuminating insight into his aunt’s personal life. Jones does a good job of capturing Ginsberg’s poise and determination, but her best scenes are opposite Hammer, who brings a steady, supportive performance usually reserved for “the wife” in biopics about powerful men. His Marty feels true to the countless stories that have been shared about him since his death in 2010: a funny, highly intelligent man who worshipped his wife, and was willing to step aside so she could shine. And isn’t that fucking refreshing? (Bonus: he was an excellent cook.)

As for Theroux, he is a continual delight, injecting a healthy dose of zany eccentricity into a film that could otherwise feel too earnest. (He also greets Ruth with a rendition of their Jewish camp song, a moment that needs to be played at the Oscars (if it's not too late can we let Justin Theroux host, as Mel Wulf!)

Ultimately, the film succeeds in painting a frustrating picture of a world of men who cannot — or will not — understand what the women around them are complaining about. Even Mel, a liberal crusader, dismisses Ruth’s claims as frivolous at first. Women can’t be a minority group — they’re 50% of the population, yada yada yada. The idea that the casual sexism we’re still fighting today was once embedded into law — and that this woman took it upon herself to change that — is what hits home the most.

Unlike its protagonist, On The Basis of Sex won’t change the world. But judging by the sobs coming from many of the women around me in the cinema, it certainly hits the spot.

On The Basis of Sex is released in the UK on 22nd February.

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Laura Dodsworth has spent the last year taking pictures of women's vulvas. It's not a conventional day job, but it's one she fully committed to, resulting in her upcoming book, Womanhood, and a Channel 4 documentary, 100 Vaginas.

The project is part of a wider series called The Bare Reality, which has seen Laura photograph 100 penises and 100 pairs of breasts in a bid to help people tell their story about their body in their own way. Womanhood in particular is bold, unapologetic, honest and deeply moving. To find out what the experience was like, R29 spoke to Laura about why she sees the project as the ultimate “subjectification of women”.

The 100 vulvas featured in the project have been through a broad range of experiences, from cancer to sexual trauma, FGM, abortion, miscarriage and gender reassignment. The mixed feelings of joy and pain the various vulvas have brought is what unites the women who took part. “[The project] is multifaceted, as us women are. So often we are shown as singular, but we are multidimensional and have both light and dark, highs and lows. The [documentary] demonstrates that in a real way,” says Laura.

Womanhood was never a project Laura had planned to do, as she “perhaps didn’t feel ready to face up to [her] own story”. But after reading a series of news articles on FGM in the UK, girls as young as nine wanting a labiaplasty, and knowing that the rate of women going for smear tests is at a 21-year-low, Laura says that a voice “rose up inside me and I knew I had to do it”. She needed to be a warrior for women.

Laura is fascinated at just how much of a woman's life is focused around their vulva and vagina. From having their first period to sexual pleasure, love, painful past experiences, giving birth, menopause… “We can talk about our life cycle as women through our vulva,” Laura explains. “It is a medium for opening up so many important conversations.”

Laura herself features as one of the 100 in the book and her perception of her own body was hugely changed by the experience: “I had an idea my episiotomy scar was huge, that someone would be able to see, feel it, but [actually I found out that] it is barely visible. I was holding on to the memory and not the physical reality. I now see how pretty and beautiful my vulva is and that is extremely powerful.”

Many of the women Laura shot couldn’t describe what their vulva or vagina looked like, as they had never looked at themselves. “Here is a part of the body that gives us enormous pleasure and fundamental experiences in life. [But I found] there was a basic lack of understanding and avoidance of the area.” As Laura discovered as the project went on, becoming familiar with and learning to understand your body can be very powerful. “When I found out how large the clitoris is and where it went, it made so much sense! Once I understood that path of pleasure in my own body, I could feel it more vividly.”

After hearing 100 different stories, Laura (probably unsurprisingly) found motherhood and birth to be a hugely definitive moment in all of the women’s lives who had experienced it; she describes it as a “primal, imprinting experience”. Nearly everyone talked of tolerating mediocre sex and of having 'performed' for men in the past, faking orgasms. On a more positive note, Laura found that a good sexual partner – one who took the time to learn about their body – could completely change a woman's feelings towards their vulva.

The experience of having their vulva photographed was cathartic to all involved. Laura calls it a a karmic fast-forward. “Shame is used to hold women down. If you tap into the big stuff, like we tapped into anger and sexuality, you get rid of that shame and we left feeling powerful.”

“There was an enormous amount of trust, vulnerability and knowledge shared in those interviews,” she says about filming the documentary. “I cried along with several women. Every single woman on the crew cried when one lady told us her story of FGM, it was incredibly moving.” One story in particular resonated deeply with Laura, as it closely reflected her own experience of miscarriage: “I remember going to the toilet and my world fell out of me. I remember looking in the toilet and it looked like chopped liver, just as she said. I thought, My baby’s in the toilet; I am going to have to flush it. That experience was so deep and primal, her story really hit me.”

“If I had watched this when I was 16 I think my whole life might have been a bit different, I think it would have had that much impact, it has been absolutely pivotal to me. Knowing how much it helped me, I just wish I could bring that to every woman earlier.”

100 Vaginas will air on Channel 4, Tuesday 19th February. Womanhood: The Bare Reality by Laura Dodsworth is published by Pinter & Martin, £20. Proceeds from the book are being donated to gynaecological cancer charity Eve Appeal.

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Our high-stress, dysfunctional and busy world is witnessing a shift. People are increasingly switching off, taking a pause and tuning in. In turn, meditation and mindfulness practices are seeing more success than ever, becoming an integral part of many people’s lives.

Meditation apps like Headspace, which now has 16 million users, are bringing mindfulness to the mainstream, while yoga, the ultimate meditation-based exercise, is entering workplaces and classrooms, glinting through the stresses of modern life like an iPhone screen in a dark room. The benefits of the ancient practice are just too good for most to miss: one study found meditation actually changes the make-up of the brain, improving concentration, reducing stress and regulating emotions.

The upside of meditation for our sex lives is less well known, especially when it comes to the female orgasm. But an emerging pool of knowledge connecting meditation and sex suggests that being in tune with our bodies can improve our sense of touch – and lead to better orgasms.

Several studies have shown that women who practise meditation experience higher levels of desire and sexual function, which increases the chance of having more intense orgasms. One found that practising mindfulness improved concordance in sex – the association between arousal and genital response – for women with a history of sexual difficulties or reduced libido. Another study in 2017 detected a direct connection between meditation and sex, finding that women who meditated had higher levels of sexual function and desire.

“It’s about getting in the right space while having sex,” says Jessica Boston, a London-based cognitive hypnotherapist who helps women overcome sex-based issues through meditation. “To be in the moment with your partner is really important, to be thinking about connection, how it feels, [and] focusing on your body’s [sensations].”

Roughly 25% of women struggle to reach orgasm or have never had one at all, while women who do have them only orgasm during 50-70% of sexual encounters, according to estimates. “A lot of women aren’t thinking about the right things in a sexual environment,” says Boston. From overthinking the other person’s enjoyment to being anxious about body hang-ups, Boston says many women are distracted during sex. Meditation – being in the moment and focusing on a particular thought or activity – can help bring someone back into a sexy situation.

“Whenever you’re concentrating on being in the moment, that always heightens whatever it is you’re focusing on,” says Boston. “When you feel pain you can manoeuvre it and make it stronger or less intense. It’s the same for pleasure. If touch is pleasure, and you’re focusing on it, you can accentuate it.”

Much like meditation, ancient Eastern practices like tantra focus on breathing exercises to heighten sexual experiences. Tantric sex is usually slow and is said to increase intimacy between partners through a mind-body connection that can lead to more powerful climaxes.

Concentrating on being in the moment always heightens whatever it is you’re focusing on. If touch is pleasure, and you’re focusing on it, you can accentuate it.

Tantra may be more than 5,000 years old but the relationship between meditation and sex went mainstream in 2016, when San Francisco-based wellness company OneTaste popularised a practice called “Orgasmic Meditation” – or “OM”. It quickly became a media phenomenon, with reams of reports and reviews published about the company’s group meditation classes in which women had their clitorises stroked by a partner. Controversially, OneTaste has since stopped all in-person OM classes after former members of the organisation told Bloomberg how their participation ended with debts to the company and exploitation of trauma victims.

Silicon Valley corporations aside, meditation can be life-changing for sufferers of sexual trauma.

“I do meditation regularly and it’s helped me to improve my sex life,” says Nikki Mattocks, a 21-year-old student mental health nurse living in Croydon. “I experienced sexual abuse growing up and use meditation to calm negative and intrusive thoughts from my PTSD which helps my sex life.” Breathing exercises and positive affirmations before sex help Mattocks overcome shame about her body brought on by the abuse.

“When a woman has suffered a sexual trauma, there has been a major rupture to her most sacred and precious self and her entire being can become disregulated and incoherent,” says psychotherapist Elisa Bragg. “Meditation can form part of [a woman’s] healing process [by inviting her] to come back into the relationship with her body, her feelings and thoughts that she may be trying to push down and escape.”

This is not to say orgasms are dictated by our mental states alone. The “orgasm gap” and a disparity between clitoral and vaginal climaxes has led many women to believe they’ve been wired incorrectly. But the majority of people with vaginas don't orgasm from penetration. Anatomy is key; women with a shorter distance between the clitoris and vaginal opening may be more likely to climax during sex, while the connection between the genitals and the brain is integral to climaxing. Naomi Wolf’s 2012 book Vagina explores the science of orgasms, summarised as “how the genitals connect to the lower spinal cord, which in turn connects to the brain”.

Given this connection, sex itself can also be a practical meditation method.

Catherine*, a 29-year-old Londoner who has a demanding job and busy lifestyle, uses sex as a relaxation tool. “Imagine this,” she says, “you’re floating in a pool, and there’s nothing around you. You’re calm, and relaxed, and your ears are underwater so you can’t hear anything either. That’s what happens to my mind when I have sex.” Catherine has no specific process for this, but she stresses how sex allows her to “shut off my mind and focus purely on a physical act,” much like meditation.

Women are increasingly taking matters into their own hands when it comes to pleasure, with the rise of feminist sex toys, masturbation, sex positivity and now meditation, marking a woman-led quest for upgraded orgasms.

“It’s an exciting time for women to realise there’s absolutely nothing wrong with them,” says Boston. “They’re taking the time to learn about their own bodies and where their mind needs to be in sexual situations.”

*Name has been changed for privacy reasons

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Muslim women have long been the subject of the daily news cycle, from the infatuation with what they wear to their alleged submissiveness and yet their own voices have been notably absent from the discussion. It’s this that prompted author Mariam Khan to edit the first anthology of its kind, It’s Not About The Burqa, which is published in the UK this week.

In it, 17 Muslim women – including journalists, playwrights and activists – talk frankly and on their own terms, showing us they’re significantly more multifaceted than we’re led to believe. Khan tells Refinery29 that she would constantly see Muslim women's identities “shaped (in a way) that wasn’t necessarily informed by them. This book centres our narrative in our own voices.”

It takes the power back, talking about our experiences beyond our bodies, I hope readers take away that Muslim women are not a monolith.

In INATB, the Muslim female experience is deftly explored, from reporting at a far-right rally as the only Muslim journalist in the room (Salma Haidrani, “Eight Notifications”) to a part-time hijabi finding her queer identity (Afshan D’souza-Lodhi, “Hijabi (R)evolution”), via the intersections of being black, female and Muslim (Raifa Rafiq, “Not Just a Black Muslim Woman”) and a divorce that strays far from the tired narrative (Saima Mir, “A Woman of Substance”). Notably, it explores why they’re much, much more than the clothes they wear. “It takes the power back, talking about our experiences beyond our bodies,” Khan says. “I hope readers can take away that Muslim women are not a monolith.” She concedes that the book is long overdue, and that she would have benefitted from it as a teenager. “It would have empowered me in believing there were many diverse experiences of Muslim women in the world and widened my then-narrow view of what they could be.”

Khan hopes that the book will spark conversation, seeing each essay as “the beginning of a discussion that can lead to a million more”. For me, Salma El-Wardany’s contribution, “A Gender Denied”, resonated the most. Tackling the culture of silence surrounding sex in Muslim communities, it was a chapter I realised I’d been waiting years to read. El-Wardany recounts losing her virginity in a positive way, where it seemed “as if the world had been painted just for me that day”. Given that chastity beyond the confines of marriage is encouraged from early childhood by both the Islamic community and within families, her experience is a refreshing departure from feeling guilt, something many of my Muslim friends can and do feel. Even so, she was aware that a “line had been crossed” – her girlfriends later questioned whether she prayed afterwards. “The not-so-subtle message was that a sin had been committed and now was the time for redemption.”

My journey to becoming a sex-positive Muslim woman and putting my desires at the forefront of my sexual experiences was one of secrecy.

This echoed true for me. Sex was a huge component of my relationship with a Muslim man a few years ago but for months this was a source of shame, guilt and secrecy, as I forced myself to unlearn years of subconscious fear and guilt in order to enjoy my own pleasure. As El-Wardany argues: “Muslim women are only taught what is wrong, never what is allowed, and they are never encouraged or shown the ways in which two people can, and should, enjoy others.” This was compounded when I came to realise just how much I enjoyed sex outside the confines of marriage. My journey to becoming a sex-positive Muslim woman and putting my desires at the forefront of my sexual experiences was one of secrecy – one which involved leading a double life, making excuses to family about where I’d stayed that weekend, my overnight bag filled with tiny lingerie stuffed in a secret corner of the room.

It’s little wonder I felt so conflicted. El-Wardany highlights the prevailing narrative that conflates sex outside marriage with being haram (forbidden by Islamic law): “Anything haram is punishable by hellfire and it’s easy to understand why so many women discuss sex, shame and guilt in the same sentence. They have become so tangled with one another that they’re now part of a single conversation.”

Then, as my relationship descended into toxicity, I was unable to open up to Muslim friends for fear of judgement. The relationship – which only now I recognise as featuring classic signs of emotional abuse – made me feel so isolated that it was easier to find solace in my non-Muslim friends, where I wouldn’t be made to feel guilty. In this culture of silence, women lose out: “Now we have a new generation of Muslim women growing up in western countries with no safe spaces to have conversations about sex.” El-Wardany too wonders whether had she not been silent, she might not have found herself in an abusive relationship, “the effects of which I am still struggling with years and years later”.

It’s easy to say that the fault lies with the religion but Islam has long been a sex-positive faith (at least in the context of marriage). From Prophet Muhammad’s female companions who would marry several times because they wanted to have sexual relations to the rise of halal sex shops, Islam has long preached about women’s rights in the bedroom. Yet somewhere along the line, this message got lost. There are so many elements of my faith I love – the charity component, the community feel of Ramadan – that leaving it is out of the question. Instead perhaps, as El-Wardany says, “it’s time for quiet mouths and open arms instead of scarlet letters and pointer fingers”.

So I welcome her call for Muslim women to start having open conversations that can help us to grow and “share our experiences in rays of sunlight as opposed to whispering them in dark corners”. Because dark corners produce young women whose shame accompanies them to the bedroom. The more we see and hear voices like El-Wardany's, the more we’ll realise that there is room for Muslim women to be sex-positive and religious.

“Unlearning is a difficult process,” El-Wardany says, but I’m getting there. In my journey as a sex-positive Muslim woman, I'm putting my own pleasure first, away from shame and guilt – and I hope other Muslim women will join me.

It’s Not About The Burqa is published by Picador on 21st February

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Modern Magic At Matty Bovan's LFW Show

Experiencing London Fashion Week from backstage is an entirely different story from seeing it all pan out on the front row. Once you've convinced the burly security guards to let you in, you're ushered through a series of tiny doors and into an area the size of a shoebox, where professionals are juggling makeup brushes with espressos and the air is thick with hairspray.

As a journalist, it's your responsibility to sniff out the main hairstylist, makeup artist and the coolest models, collecting quotes, pictures and future feature inspiration. But it isn't all glitz and glam. In between trying out the latest beauty launches, mingling with celebrities and getting free makeovers, you're dodging shoddy portaloos, soggy croissants and stressed-out industry professionals. It's a bit like a video game, but not always one that's fun to play, and if you make it out without choking on hairspray fumes, you've pretty much completed it. Intrigued? Here's everything I did and saw backstage on day four of London Fashion Week AW19.

5am

I wake up super early for Richard Malone, as the backstage call time is 7.30am. I don't manage to haul myself out of bed until 5.30, but I planned my outfit the night before, so I pull on a simple denim jumpsuit, Vans, a fluffy coat and my trusty JW Anderson Pierce bag. Comfort is key backstage as you're on your feet all day (and being manhandled by security/muscled out of the way by irritated hairstylists with very heavy hair appliances). It's still pitch black and I'm a bit scared to walk to the train station on my own, especially with my laptop in tow, so I get an Uber.

7.30am

I make it to Richard Malone and I'm reminded just how unglamorous being part of the backstage crew really is. I get to the entrance which, this year, looks really cool – LFW printed in calligraphy on a red façade – but I’m told that backstage is actually around the corner. Unlike the entrance which you see in all the cool street style photos, it’s basically a building site with pipes and concrete blocks strewn all over the place. It’s so early I can barely see and I trip on the wonky pavement and spill my coffee onto my shoes. FFS.

There’s a commotion as I walk into the venue because a hairstylist working another show next door is throwing a tantrum over a model’s finished hair, which he obviously is not impressed with. “No. No, no, just NO.” It's all very The Devil Wears Prada, and I feel awful for the junior stylist who has to start from scratch, despite there being only 15 minutes left in hair and makeup. His model, who has been sitting in the chair for hours, is on the verge of wetting herself. I'm anxious.

I skipped breakfast in favour of contouring (I am a beauty editor, after all) so I try and sneak a pastry from the buffet (actually for the models) but there are just crumbs left. Yes, they do eat. Instead, I make my way over to Pablo Rodriguez, Illamasqua’s global director of artistry and one of the nicest makeup artists I’ve met. I’m the only journalist in the room (bliss) and he explains all four beauty looks to me in detail while I riffle through his kit. You'd be surprised by how many high street and own-brand products pro makeup artists rely on, like Garnier Micellar Water Sensitive Skin, Superdrug Hand Sanitiser (presumably for cleaning brushes) and Duo Striplash. I grab a couple of pics then realise my storage is full. I deliberate deleting the hundreds of pictures of my cat doing cute things and telling everyone back at the office that my phone broke over the weekend so I couldn't take any photos. The PR sees me struggling with this decision and reassures me that all imagery will be sent straight to my inbox later today. Crisis averted, cat pictures safe.

8.30am

I’m late to the Roksanda show because I get lost somewhere in Fitzrovia and the models are already doing their dress rehearsal. I manage to harangue Jon Reyman for deets on the hair look and sneak a peek at the makeup test shot courtesy of MAC Cosmetics (clean skin and a berry lip, very autumn/winter) and make my way over to Erdem at the National Portrait Gallery, where none other than Val Garland and Anthony Turner are on hair and makeup. The hair is cone-like and eyes are inspired by the Vatican and Hitchcock, apparently. It looks cool, so I nod and smile. I spot some journalists I know but it’s still too early to make conversation, so I slip out unnoticed and make my way to JW Anderson (always one of my favourite shows) but not before a speedy Pret pitstop.

10.30am

The hair at JW Anderson is meant to look like a Lego helmet, according to hairstylist Anthony Turner, who is literally dripping in hair gel. Hang on, did he teleport here? I try and get a picture of the final look, but I’m told off by security. By this point, I’m so hungry I almost cry, so I get what I need from lovely Lynsey Alexander, makeup artist for KIKO, find an EAT and carb-load. As I leave, I notice I’m getting the biggest blister on my foot. I said no to transport offered by a beauty brand because think of the environment, people – and because I can get around much quicker via Tube – but I deeply regret my decision. What I’d give to whizz around in a cushty car right now.

12pm

After catching up on work, I limp on over to Christopher Kane in Holborn and get caught in the pissing rain. I realise industry legend Guido Palau is styling hair for L'Oréal Professionnel and try to smooth my frizz down in the toilets, where models are having their hair washed in the teeny tiny sink with Redken All Soft Mega Shampoo. Another less than glam moment. My loo dash pays off – as Guido explains the look, he stops and compliments my “ultra shiny, glossy hair” (thanks, Redken Shades EQ). The other journalists give me evils.

2pm

Next stop, Rejina Pyo with Lord & Berry. This is one of my favourite beauty looks of the day. Finally, some colour! Makeup artist Niamh Quinn washes lids in green and blue hues using Lord & Berry Stardust in Aqua and Gold Green, reminiscent of Warhol and Madonna in the '80s. She contrasts the shades with a matte scarlet lip. The look shouldn't work but it does. I thank the brand's lovely PR, Lia, for grabbing me quotes and pictures in 10 minutes. I think she can sense my feet hurt, I'm dehydrated and I'm bloody exhausted. Did I mention I got up at 5am?

2.30pm

On my way to Emilia Wickstead, where Suqqu is taking charge of makeup, I get lost again because it seems designers enjoy booking really obscure venues. This show is in a car park behind The Ritz and the path down to the backstage area is so steep, I have to hold on to another journo for dear life, but we're in hysterics. The beauty look is another red lip, but I'm just as obsessed with this as the last one. If it ain't broke… Thanks to Dyson and Oribe, the hair is another level, with ornate ponytails and sleek buns radiating “Italian and The Godfather” vibes, according to the stylist.

3.30pm

My blister is getting bigger and bigger and I'm hungry again, so make a quick decision and miss my last show. I feel terribly guilty, but suddenly I panic that I haven't written much today or responded to any of my 600 emails. I hobble into another Uber (my poor bank balance) and head back to work. I arrive to a mountain of post.

6.38pm

After unboxing all the new launches (my favourite part of the day), I leave the office via the kitchen, where I eat my bodyweight in biscuits. I definitely deserve them after gallivanting across the entire capital. To be honest, I can't wait to get into my fluffy pjs and watch EastEnders. Until next season.

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