Day four of London Fashion Week AW19 saw some of the schedule's biggest hitters take to the catwalks: Roksanda Ilincic with her mastery of colour, Erdem Moralioglu with his breathtaking delicacy, Christopher Kane with his fresh and hardened take on glamour. But it was also a fantastic day for London's less established designers. Richard Malone, who is fast becoming one of the city's most thrilling talents, presented sustainable party wear, while Supriya Lele, who showed for the second time outside of the umbrella NewGen scheme, looked to the matriarchs of her family for inspiration.
And then there was Rejina Pyo. She may not be emerging – the designer celebrates half a decade of her label this year – but she certainly feels fresh in that over the past few years, all eyes, minds and hearts have been only on her. Pyo's SS17 collection broke her into the Insta-sphere and public consciousness, and from there it's been nothing but wild success.
Now that her directional accessories have been (ahem) imitated by every retailer on the high street, and her puff-sleeved dresses worn by every editor and influencer in the industry, what was in store for AW19?
Drawing inspiration from the “human resilience and individual's presence” portrayed in the documentary photography of artist Lisette Model, Pyo sought to create a collection that would last: honouring our clothes' duty to “cover, protect, enrich and endure us” while looking to a time when clothing was “cherished, worn and preserved through generations”.
Timeless pieces featured – think checked coats, silk dresses and power suits, all of which you could imagine being handed down from mother to daughter – but her signature ability to spin of-the-moment items was there, too. Brown patent leather coats, skirts and trousers were real standouts, as were the slouched snakeskin boots, while her use of colour is particularly brilliant, with powder blues paired with refreshing lilacs, sorbet yellows and grown-up blushes.
Another of Pyo's strong suits is her accessories offering, and this season we had plenty to lust after. The newest and most playful shape was a loaf of bread bag, which, quite literally, looks like a slice of toast, while her XXL totes were carried underarm and handily fit equally XXL puffer jackets.
This practicality is what draws us most to Pyo: she creates gorgeous pieces, from silk skirts to statement dresses, with none of the fussiness that so often restricts the women wearing them. Pyo nails the everyday, but somehow makes it oh-so-special.
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Our main take-outs? Hair slides aren't going anywhere, so invest in a few pearly pieces; neutrals are here to stay, so explore rust, sand and camel tones; and put your best foot forward in an architectural heel.
Bringing a little sunshine to the rainy streets of London.Structured blazers forever and ever amen!Victorian children's collars? Yes, please.Swooshing into fashion month.Sky blue hues pop amongst all that beige this season.When in doubt, don a hair slide.Fashion week, but make it goth.Two bags are better than one.Pistachio is our new favourite hue.See! Plus look at this very strong case for a gilet.Chunky boots and checked blazers always work together.As do Dr Martens and silky skirts. Trés '90s grunge.Patent finishes are still slick as ever.Double up on stripes.Another black leather jacket - we've seen them in all styles this season.Co-ordination is key.Note to self: explore denim coats...I'll bring you flowers, in the pouring rain...A winning combo: JW Anderson's classic handbag, plus peg leg trousers and patent shoes.We love that billowing skirt. Who knew Boris bikes made such a great backdrop for fashion week?Red, beige and striped all over...Slime green is still the most playful shade going.When your coat is this great, black accessories are all you need.Tiger is still the animal print making everyone swoon.We're deeply into this '70s shades and suede coat situation.Croc boots and bucket bags are still the perfect pairing.Note to self: monogram everything.These pleated trousers are workwear heaven.Printed tights and '90s mules? Yes please!OTT headbands, white waistcoats, and micro shades: triple threat.Stomping boots and beaded bags make for an on-point accessories game.More beaded bags, and snakeskin to boot.Finally! A splash of colour among the neutral tones.Blazers and boy shorts are giving us pure AC/DC vibes.They call me mellow yellow...Peppermint + Parma Violet = winning combination.The Matrix meets wearable art – we're diggin' it.On the ruffles front, it's go big or go home.Who knew marigold and electric blue were such great bedfellows?Check, please!Two ways to work denim.Making a great case for knee patches, white jeans and homespun kits.The trick to wearing checks? Pick out the interwoven colours and run with them.*Adds riding boots and jodhpurs to shopping basket*Londoners are practical people at heart, and this outfit says just that – elegant, understated but also I've got somewhere to be in 5...Let's mark this outfit 10/10 for head-to-toe flame orange and 11/10 for layering.It's been a long winter, so we are very grateful to this woman for providing delicious and vibrant splashes of orange. And how divine next to sky blue?You saw it here first: teal is the next colour of note.A classic trench never goes amiss.This suede meets snake look has us hooked.Mules are here to stay, as are mannish blazers and keep-cosy rollnecks.All you need is a rebellious leather jacket.The devil is in those neon details.You heard it through the grapevine...One word to describe these two: JOY.The ankle-length red cardi is the answer to all our transitional dressing prayers. The baseball cap is a nice, unexpected addition.Neutral tones are ruling street style this season.Sometimes the weather works against us in London, but also leads to unexpected styling details.
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Throughout her career, Taraji P. Henson has had more than a few instances when she was told this was her big break. The actress has shown her incredible range time and time again, from her first starring role in the 2001 coming-of-age film Baby Boy, to her Oscar-nominated performance in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, to her comedic turn in 2019’s What Men Want. The accolades — and the acknowledgments — have been piling up as well: She has a Golden Globe and a Critics Choice Television Award for her role on Empire, not to mention three Primetime Emmy nods. And earlier this year, Henson made her permanent mark on Hollywood with a star on the Walk of Fame.
After countless roles on the big and small screen, and with her 50th birthday approaching, the actress says there’s so much left for her to do. The only timeline Henson says she adheres to is her own, and spoiler alert: She’s just getting started.
In the past, you’ve talked about how we place age limits on women in Hollywood, while male actors don’t face the same issue.
Absolutely, men don't have an age limit put on them at all. They don't. I have not seen a man stop working because of his age. I haven't even seen a man stop working because of his receding hairline or his beer gut. So why should women have a limit? That's what Viola [Davis], Regina King, and I are all fighting for: To break through that ceiling. We're still talented, why should we stop working?
Black women specifically have a reputation for ageing like fine wine. Obviously, “black don't crack.” And you are definitely in that category of women who just get better with age. How do you do that? Do you feel pressure, or is it just something that comes naturally?
I don't feel any pressure to do anything but live my best life and be healthy and happy. You're going to age. There's no way around it — it is inevitable. I just think you accept it, and you try to age as gracefully as possible. What, you going to freeze yourself, going to walk around on a frozen ice cube? (Laughs) No. You live your life. I laugh a lot, I take a lot of naps, I drink a lot of water, and a lot of it is genetics. My grandmother, she doesn't look a day over 70, and she's 94.
Was there any point in your career where you felt like, “This is it. This is where I'm taking off.”?
I've just been told that I've had a lot of false starts in my career. You know, everybody thought [my big break] was going to be Baby Boy, and then it wasn't. And then it was going to be Hustle & Flow. But I never relied on one project to do it for me. I just wanted to do work that will be talked about long after I'm gone. I studied greats that came before me and I just want to be a great that the young ones study.
Can you talk a little more about that false start? How did that feel? Did you have moments of disappointment?
I was smart enough to not let it get to me. I don't know by whose clock, but people say I got started late, whatever that means. But I just remember I was mature in my thinking, so I just knew the world.
I knew that it was going to be very different for me and Tyrese after Baby Boy. I just knew because he was a guy, his career was going to take off. And, what happened? Tyrese booked Transformers, he booked two big franchise movies, Transformers and Fast and Furious right after Baby Boy. And where did I go? To a show on Lifetime that no one, pretty much, watched.
I remember saying it to John [Singleton], “I'm going to have a sex change. I see it's easier for men. I'm going to turn myself into a guy.” He was like, “Please don't.”
Do you think that there's been a shift in that gender disparity that you're speaking to?
There absolutely has been a shift. That's why you're seeing all of these movies that are starring women: Ghostbusters and Hidden Figures were both greenlit by women, and my movie, What Men Want. That's what you're starting to see now that women are moving into power positions. They're taking over — not taking over — I don't want to scare the men. But they're moving into these positions where they're able to greenlight movies that are women-friendly. Think about it: We bring the husbands to the movies, we bring our families, our boyfriends, we are the box office draw so why not cater to women. That's a no-brainer.
You are turning 50 next year.
Am I?
I wouldn't know. But what does that mean to you? What does this next chapter look like?
I still feel like I'm just getting started. I still feel like I have so much more to do. I'm a character actress. I have another fantasy role, heavy prosthetics. I want to not look like myself. I wouldn't mind doing a Dr. Seuss story. I love the craft of acting and I don't feel like I've done it all yet.
Is there a dream role that you haven't done yet?
Oh, God. You know what? I would love to play the female Joker. That is a character that I am obsessed with. And I would love to get a spin on a female version. Or just a villain. I'm always the good, strong, moral character. I want to be bad.
If men could hear what women want, what would you want them to hear?
If you're a man in a power position, I’d want you to hear: Pay me my money. Pay me what I deserve. We deserve it and you need us. The end.
I'm only interested in appealing to the men who call the shots.
How would you finish the sentence, “Life begins at …?
Life begins at that first breath you take, that's when life begins.
This interview has been condensed and edited for clarity.
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London has forever been obsessed with JW Anderson, at least since he came on the scene in 2008, declaring gender dead — an idea that’s since spread like wildfire across runways and wider culture in general. Yes, he wasn’t the first in fashion to do it, but one of Anderson’s skills is that he’s often the first of a generation to take a well-known idea and do it brilliantly.
Look at this collection for AW19. Chunky belts. Can you believe? It takes an utter master to wrestle the chunky belt from the claws of the glorious, but a little staid, Gok Wan and put it front and centre on the catwalk. And that’s what JW Anderson did — he brought back the achingly lame chunky belt and made it achingly attractive. Same goes for capes, chinos and shirt dresses — all of which found new life either through precision, giant new proportions or a collaging of flowing fabrics, respectively.
Anderson also manages to take the most beloved pieces of British fashion and twist them in a way that feels genuinely exciting. This season it was the trench coat — all anyone could talk about after the show — now with giant bell sleeves and a multicoloured houndstooth check across the oversized lapels. It was the update the staple needed, and people’s eyes widened when the coat emerged onto the runway, everyone instantly adding it to their wish list. Paisley sweaters, too, were given a revamp, with both print and fit bigger and better in Anderson’s world. Together with more chinos and the aforementioned chunky belt. Should you have asked last season, that outfit would have been a bust; now it’s a complete must.
Green, grey, beige; lemon, teal, black; gold, grey, fuchsia. Colours from across the wheel were paired, layered, all of it unlikely and wondrously satisfying. But this is Anderson’s skill: pushing things into unlikely places. Often it takes a minute — you ask, Do I love that, or hate it? — and every time it’s good news, and every time Anderson has taken something you never even thought of and made it your obsession. He did it with crochet, he did it with strange silhouettes, he did it with dick keyrings, and he’s done it again for AW19.
The battle with cutting edge clothes is so often their wearability. Of course it’s not always about that, and sometimes a boundary pushing piece will filter into your wardrobe subtly, rather than as a whole. But what Anderson does, every time, is create the perfect symbiosis between wearable and experimental. And he continues to push our wardrobes in the most expressive yet wearable directions. So dust off those chunky belts and grab that giant sweater of your dad’s — finally it’s all in fashion!
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Hair usually takes a backseat, as all of the magic happens backstage at the hands of industry legends like Guido Palau and Tina Outen. But this season, the hair trends outside the shows grabbed our attention.
From pearl-adorned barrettes and pastel buzzcuts to embellished headbands and animé-inspired pink bobs, here are the coolest and most wearable street style hair looks we spotted at London Fashion Week AW19.
Electric blue highlights, cascading curls and an effortless topknot? This is such a strong look.Photographed by Asia Typek.Wonder how long it took to achieve these accidentally perfect waves...Photographed by Asia Typek.Taking inspiration from last season, this blue buzzcut is a standout trend.Photographed by Asia Typek.Alexa Chung's shoulder-length bob and subtle wave combo is a surefire winner. Extra points for the ear tuck.Photographed by Asia Typek.Jazz up an effortless bun with a pearl-studded barrette and matching earrings.Photographed by Asia Typek.Jaw-grazing bob? Tick. Full fringe? Double tick. The black silk, rhinestone encrusted headband is the cherry on top.Photographed by Asia Typek.Grown-out roots are cool again, we have proof. This chunky, brushed gold slide and blunt cut bob gets our vote.Photographed by Asia Typek.This celestial hair slide lends these uncomplicated waves extra charm.Photographed by Asia Typek.The oversized, pearl-studded clip delivers just the right amount of glamour to this simple, low ponytail.Photographed by Asia Typek.Headbands are everywhere but this velvet, beaded accessory is as chic as they come.Photographed by Asia Typek.Natural hair is reigning supreme on and off the catwalk.Photographed by Asia Typek.This silk scarf and ponytail combination is a modern twist on a retro look.Photographed by Asia Typek.If you needed an excuse (or two) to dye your hair neon pink, this is it.Photographed by Asia Typek.Last year, Wella Professional UK's trends forecaster, Zoë Irwin, predicted that amber slate (a mix of honey blonde, red and chrome) would be everywhere in 2019, and she wasn't wrong.Photographed by Asia Typek.Hair swept back into a bun at the nape and two mismatched hair slides – this is the easiest look to recreate.Photographed by Asia Typek.Negative space balayage and a simple retro hair clip – a match made in heaven.Photographed by Asia Typek.Taking inspiration from the '70s, shaggy full fringes and air-dried waves are super simple but so stylish.Photographed by Asia Typek.Another jaw-length bob, this time offset with a cool micro-fringe.Photographed by Asia Typek.Good things come in threes, just like these marble hair slides.Photographed by Asia Typek.Industry legend Guido Palau would be proud of these rough-dried waves.Photographed by Asia Typek.Natural hair was fashioned into chunky cornrows outside, as well as at the shows, such as Rejina Pyo.Photographed by Asia Typek.The only way to accessorise a ponytail is with a silk scarf tied effortlessly around the base.Photographed by Asia Typek.Case closed.Photographed by Asia Typek.Not one but two outsized hair clips? We approve.Photographed by Asia Typek.
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Police described it as one of the worst examples of domestic abuse they'd ever seen, and last April it led to the UK's first ever conviction for coercive control involving a female offender. Now, the story of Alex Skeel, 23, who survived an abusive relationship with his girlfriend, Jordan Worth, has been turned into a documentary.
Abused By My Girlfriend, which is available on iPlayer now, examines domestic abuse from the under-explored vantage point of male survivors. Skeel, a football coach from Bedford, was starved, burned with boiling water and knifed by Worth, in what he described as “a nine-month campaign of physical abuse”. She would put makeup on him to cover the marks and sought to control all aspects of his life. At one point, doctors told him he was 10 days away from death.
The couple were teenagers when they started dating, and had been together for three years when Worth first scalded Skeel with water, but insidious forms of abuse had already begun to emerge: “Her telling me not to wear the colour grey or that she didn’t like my hairstyle,” Skeel wrote for BBC Three this week. It's a pattern of coercive control that we're more used to hearing recalled from a female perspective.
“When she was telling me, 'I don’t like the colour grey,' or 'I don’t like those shoes,' I’d think, 'Okay, I won’t wear them,' because I wanted to impress her,” Skeel said. “But, in reality, she was moulding me into who she wanted me to be. It undermines your confidence. And you’re fighting a battle that you’ll never win.”
The abuse ended last year when a police officer visited the pair at home, where they lived with their two children, to follow up on a previous visit and question Skeel. “All the horrible truth came out. My injuries were so severe by that point, and I was so gaunt after all the weight loss. I’d denied everything up until [then]. But I couldn’t go on any longer,” he told BBC Three, adding that he'd “be in the ground” if it wasn't for the police's intervention. “I could feel my body shutting down. I’d lost five stone in weight. Afterwards, doctors told me that I’d been 10 days from death because I’d been denied food for so long and my injuries were so bad.”
Worth, who Skeel believes was motivated by “pure jealousy”, pleaded guilty in court and was sentenced to seven and a half years in prison in April 2018, becoming the first woman in the UK to be convicted of coercive and controlling behaviour.
By its very nature, domestic abuse is shrouded in secrecy and victims are often deterred from speaking out because of the stigma and ignorance that surrounds it; on top of this, cultural assumptions about violence and masculinity in relationships mean that, just like women, male victims rarely come forward. (A man who was killed by his violent wife in 2015 apparently hid the abuse because he was “embarrassed”, his former partner told the BBC last year.)
Yet over a third of domestic abuse victims between 16-59 were estimated to be men in the year ending March 2018, according to the latest figures from the Crime Survey for England and Wales. And the gulf between this statistic and the number of men who report the crime is vast: one in six men will experience domestic abuse during their lifetimes, but just one in 20 will ever seek any help, according to data from the ManKind Initiative.
By sharing his story, Skeel hopes to raise awareness of domestic violence and break down the barriers that prevent male victims from raising the alarm. “There’s a lot of stigma that prevents men from speaking out and often police don’t take violence against men seriously. Men are often left out of domestic abuse campaigns. It’s wrong. What has gender got to do with it?”
Viewers who watched the documentary on BBC One on Tuesday night praised Skeel's bravery in sharing his story publicly.
Abused by my girlfriend is actually one of the worst things I've watched. Absolutely horrifying injuries he endured. So brave of him to share his story #abusedbymygirlfriend@BBCOne
I’ve just watched the documentary “Abused By My Girlfriend” and the amount of negativity over twitter like “Grow a Pair Your a Man” You people wanna feel ashamed of yourself. It’s people like you why men feel embarrassed/weak to open up. No man should be made to feel like that!
Watching ‘abused by my girlfriend’ and honestly, he’s so brave for doing this documentary. Showing that it’s not just women who suffer from domestic violence and hopefully more men will start to speak out if they’re being abused
a few minutes into abused by my girlfriend on @BBCOne and I'm already gobsmacked .. no one should have to suffer at the hands of another let alone someone who is suppose to love you, brave lad facing this head on & showing other men out there that they have a voice
Karl Lagerfeld, legendary designer for Chanel, Fendi, and his own eponymous label, passed away in Paris early this morning. Rumours about his health surfaced last month, when Lagerfeld was absent from two of Chanel's haute couture shows in Paris; the house confirmed the news of his death via Instagram. He was 85.
Long considered one of the hardest working and most dedicated designers, Lagerfeld transformed the way fashion is seen and worn, via his Chanel collections but also his provocative soundbites. "You can be the chicest thing in a T-shirt and jeans — it's up to you," was one of the more relatable ones.
Be it taking over the Metropolitan Museum of Art's Temple of Dendur or building a waterfall, a rocket ship, an iceberg, or a supermarket within the Grand Palais, Lagerfeld didn't just have a vision for his designs and his shows — he saw beyond them, editing every look down to the last thread to ensure Chanel held court in fashion's ever-changing landscape. Attendees (and those who watched via social media) were constantly surprised and delighted to bear witness to his genius, which is why so many are mourning the loss of the designer today.
In the last decade, Lagerfeld created an average of 14 collections per year — which means we've got a lot of archiving to do. In the slideshow ahead, we're looking back at some of the most iconic and influential looks from Lagerfeld's time as Chanel's fearless leader.
Chanel Haute Couture SS19 Photo by Stephane Cardinale - Corbis/Corbis via Getty ImagesChanel Metiers D'Art 2018Photo by Victor VIRGILE/Gamma-Rapho via Getty ImagesChanel SS11Photo by Stephane Cardinale/Corbis via Getty ImagesChanel Haute Couture AW06Photo by Pool BASSIGNAC/BENAINOUS/Gamma-Rapho via Getty ImagesChanel Metiers D'Art 2010Photo by Michel Dufour/WireImageChanel AW95Photo by Victor VIRGILE/Gamma-Rapho via Getty ImagesChanel AW91Photo by Victor VIRGILE/Gamma-Rapho via Getty ImagesChanel Haute Couture 1983Chanel SS96 Photo by PL Gould/IMAGES/Getty ImagesChanel AW14 Photo by Catwalking/Getty ImagesChanel SS94Chanel Metiers D'Art 2018Chanel Cruise 2018Chanel Cruise 2016
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Sure, orgasms feel good – but what do they look like? In celebration of I'll Have What She's Having, Refinery29's week dedicated to female pleasure, we commissioned seven women photographers to create an image capturing what sexual pleasure means to them.
The photographers took the brief and went for it. The results are pictures that depict what it's like to feel free and complete as a woman, they portray the complicated relationship we have with our bodies, they show friendship and openness, self-love and BDSM. It's a mixed bag of images; the complexities mirroring our own mixed relationships with sex.
Click through the album to see why each photographer picked the subject that they did and how it relates to their own experience of pleasure.
"For me, female pleasure stands for self-love and empowerment, it is something I can feel totally in charge of and it can make me feel quite powerful. Acting on my sexuality and enjoying pleasure still feels like an activistic act. Something I feel I have to fight for in order to express or to ask for it. This makes female pleasure something I want to experience as much as any other feeling. It makes me feel complete and free as a woman.
An orgasm is not always something I need from female pleasure, but when I do it makes me feel energetic and powerful. It also is very personal to me. I feel it is a present to myself, it makes me feel desirable and love-worthy."Matilda Hill-Jenkins @matildahilljenkins
"When I am alone, my orgasms are uncomplicated, mind-blowing and guaranteed. When other people are involved they can be rare and overlooked. During sex, I think about it constantly; if it will happen, if the other person will care if it happens. Thinking about it like that sadly only makes climaxing even less likely, because my thoughts aren’t focused on any stimulation, just the anxious inner gabble.
I sometimes feel that sex is so performative or linked to things I’ve seen in film that the sensations are difficult for me to get lost in. Which is why when I’m alone my orgasm is empowering and all for me. I care about me and I will make sure I come.
A guy I was sleeping with once said to me (as I moved into a position which felt amazing for me): "If people could see what we looked like right now, they’d think we’d never had sex before."
It’s frustrating that we are fed such an unrealistic, performative and glossy version of female masturbation and pleasure. When the reality is mundane and awkward and can look ridiculous. But it’s not about how it looks, it’s about how amazing it feels. Shuffling robotically against an old soft toy as a teenager, or humping a veiny purple piece of silicone is hardly good porno material.
I feel extremely lucky to have so many wonderful, sex positive women in my life, and because of that I feel less alone in experiencing frustration around orgasms and female pleasure.
So I took this of my best friend. She and I talk so openly and candidly about sex and it felt really appropriate to photograph her in an empowering, typically male posture, looking frankly and unapologetically at the camera."Ashley Armitage @ladyist
Female pleasure (as well as trans and non-binary pleasure) deserves just as much attention IRL and in the media as the cis male orgasm.
Here is a photo of my good friend, Lena O'Neal.Francena Ottley @lebleuart
"There has always been a lack of connection to and understanding of our female bodies from an early age. The idea of pleasure has been seen as something only a man can achieve. Many don’t realise the positive impact pleasure can have on one's menstrual cycle, pregnancy, mental and physical health. I was taught for so long to hate everything about my body and to fall at the feet of a man. Eventually I found strength in understanding my value and worth, which grew a closer connection to myself and sexuality. The taboos that were once around sex and female pleasure began to break and I finally found my freedom."Mycoze @mycoze_
"First time I had an orgasm, I was around 12 and I was very ashamed of it. I started to have sex at 16, and it took me until I was 19 years old to have my first orgasm with a partner. For me, an orgasm was always something I had to fake during sex, because I didn't want to upset my partner and because I felt pressure to have one. An orgasm was something quick that I had to get rid of alone. Often, after sex when my partner would go to the bathroom, I would try to make myself come quickly, without noise and in secret. If I couldn't succeed, I would swallow my pride and stay unsatisfied. My biggest fear was to get caught, because I was ashamed of myself.
For a long time, I've felt disconnected from my body sexually. In the past, I had sex without even letting myself imagine I could ever have an orgasm. It was automatic, I was having sex and faking an orgasm without even questioning it. Now, having sex is not only about reaching orgasm, it's about the complexity of the feelings, it's an art.
Sex is pleasure, Sex is pain, Sex is a game, Sex is a form of expression, Sex is everything I want it to be.
Sex is more than an orgasm. Sex is intricate and I love it that way."
"I had tears in my eyes when I had my first orgasm, for no reason at all. I felt vulnerable, unsure of how to behave. The notions of an orgasm were unknown to me, it was engulfing. Like a sacrifice, like an offering, almost something of a drowning."Rochelle Brock @rochellefatleopard
I grew up thinking that being involved in anything sexual before marriage was taboo. That it wasn’t appropriate to even talk about sex . So even now at 23 I’ve had to unpack a lot of my feelings about sex and sexual pleasure. Having an orgasm to me means that I am allowing myself to explore my body and its responses to what I do and do not like on a personal level. It means that I am giving myself the gift of being vocal about my own needs and wants without feeling a sense of shame.
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In its announcement of creative director Karl Lagerfeld's passing, the house of Chanel also confirmed, via Instagram, the appointment of Lagerfeld's righthand Virginie Viard as his successor.
“Virginie Viard, Director of CHANEL’s Fashion Creation Studio and Karl Lagerfeld’s closest collaborator for more than 30 years, has been entrusted by Alain Wertheimer with the creative work for the collections, so that the legacy of Gabrielle Chanel and Karl Lagerfeld can live on,” read the official statement.
While respected fashion veterans like Phoebe Philo (Celine) and Raf Simons (Calvin Klein) are currently without posts, the choice is not unexpected.
As far back as the 1920s, when Gabrielle 'Coco' Chanel departed from her gamine aesthetic and expanded her French fashion house to adapt a more feminine look, the secretive Wertheimer family has been an integral part of Chanel's history. Venture capitalist Pierre Wertheimer helped Chanel build her perfume business, which included Chanel No. 5, and eventually took over ownership of her legacy brand. It makes since then, that grandson Alain Wertheimer would keep it in the family, so to speak, to choose someone who's already gained their trust to take over.
But who is Virginie Viard? Lagerfeld's second-in-command for most of his tenure at Chanel, Viard has been bowing alongside him at recent Chanel shows, and took his place at its spring 2019 haute couture event. She first joined Lagerfeld as his intern in 1987, and has remained at his side ever since, including his stint at Chloé in 1992 and his return to Chanel in 1997.
In a rare interview with Elle (Viard dislikes the spotlight), she detailed their longstanding working relationship. “I immediately dispatch each sketch to each première d’atelier, according to her skills and capabilities. I visualise the show, get things ready for him, decide on materials, coordinate the teams, and liaise with suppliers. I like to think of myself as the one who helps his vision come alive.” In turn, Lagerfeld considered Viard his “right and left hand.” She added that Lagerfeld was “very sensitive, like all creative people, but very faithful, generous—which might not be what people would guess.”
Though it's yet to be announced, it's fair to assume that Viard will take Lagerfeld's final bow ahead of the fall 2019 ready-to-wear show in Paris in a few weeks. And it will solidify not only the end of an era, but the beginning of a new one, too — the by-women-, for-women Chanel that its founder was known for.
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If you've ever wondered about how those Glossier models take off their no-makeup makeup, we're guessing the first step involves soaking a cotton pad in Glossier Milky Oil. The brand's fresh new launch, an oil-based makeup remover, just dropped online today — and you can bet the pink-capped, G-stamped plastic dropper is about to solidify a spot on the vanities and in the makeup bags of girls with great skin everywhere.
Oil-based makeup removers have a reputation for being greasy, but this milky modern iteration takes a different approach: The texture is definitely slick, but because it includes a micellar-water additive that draws dirt and makeup like a magnet, it takes it all off without leaving residue behind. The combination creates a soft and silky makeup remover, meant to be squeezed onto a cotton pad or swab and pressed over skin to wipe away waterproof makeup without any rubbing, tugging, or irritation.
If you know the Glossier Milky Jelly cleanser, this version is similar in function, but dissolves makeup faster; it's a makeup remover, not a cleanser. One of the best parts of the whole deal is the reasonable price point: just £10 for a bottle. Of course, said bottle is fun-sized (and TSA-friendly), and you might drain it pretty quickly if you're using it every single day. But if you're looking to take off your makeup like a glowy-skinned Glossier girl, here's your invitation to do just that.
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This week, New York City will take the necessary — and overdue — step of codifying mistreatment based on hair texture or style as racially discriminatory, reports the New York Times. The law specifically ensures protection for Black New Yorkers, who are often targeted at work and in schools, from facing disciplinary actions based on hair. Black Americans have long experienced discrimination in employment, housing, and education because of how they choose to wear their hair.
The new wording of the law adds to the city’s existing ordinances against discrimination based on protected class. It was written by the New York City Commission on Human Rights as an extension of the statue banning racial discrimination. Under the new guidelines, the commission explains that hairstyle and texture are part and parcel of racial expression — including “natural hair, treated or untreated hairstyles such as locs, cornrows, twists, braids,Bantu knots, fades, Afros, and/or the right to keep hair in an uncut or untrimmed state.”
This anti-discriminatory principle already applies to religious hairstyles, such as male Orthodox Jewish payots, so the wording is intended to allow for hairstyle protection on racial grounds.
It also provides victims of such discrimination with recourse in civil court. Plaintiffs can receive monetary damages based on hair discrimination, and the defendants can also be fined.
Carmelyn P. Malalis, chairwoman of the commission, told the Times, “There’s nothing keeping us from calling out these policies prohibiting natural hair or hairstyles most closely associated with black people. They are based on racist standards of appearance…[they are] racist stereotypes that say black hairstyles are unprofessional or improper.”
Those who work in food service or other professions that mandate covered hair must still wear the appropriate gear, as long as the employer’s regulations are applied to every employee.
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Can you mark the movement of Hollywood based on Brad Pitt? Maybe! His presence at least had a small effect on Gwyneth Paltrow's career — she nearly rejected the lead role in Shakespeare in Love due to their breakup.
“I was in the middle of a terrible breakup,” Paltrow told Variety, alluding to her relationship with Pitt, “and the idea of going to England and being far from home just seemed — I didn’t even read [the script].”
Added Paltrow, “I was just like, ‘I can’t read anything right now. I’m having a really hard time.’” She eventually read the script months later, and the project won her an Oscar for Best Actress in a Leading Role.
Pitt and Paltrow were one of the first big Brad Pitt couplings. They dated from 1994 to 1997, and even got engaged. When they broke up, Paltrow was only 25 years old. Now, years later, she has an Oscar and a new deal with Netflix. And Pitt just attended Jennifer Aniston's birthday party. Oh, the sands of time! How they move to the rhythm of Brad Pitt!
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Neon-green waves, inches down to the floor, an Afro reaching toward the sky — that’s the magic of wigs. Snatched is a week-long celebration of wigs, the people who wear them, and their role in black beauty culture.
Our first subject, Gina Knight, worked in the hair industry for over a decade as a salon manager, but she never predicted opening her own wig business. Yet, when her thick, natural hair began to fall out, leaving her with bald patches, she began a new journey of entrepreneurship — and never looked back. Today, Gina Knight Wig Design creates gorgeous Afro-texture units for women across the globe, with the ultimate goal of removing the stigma from hair loss in the black community. This story was told to Jessica Cruel and edited for length and clarity.
I was in foster care, and my foster parents were white, so my hair was a major bone of contention in the family. I was always the girl who broke the comb with her hair. Growing up, it was never seen as a good thing to have all that hair and to have it be so thick and “unmanageable.”
I had to learn how to do my own hair because no one else in the house was going to be able to, so I used to go around and have my hair plaited by my neighbours. I got people to teach me how to braid. But in learning about my hair and talking to other black women, it gave me a link into a culture that I didn’t really have at home and taught me to embrace it.
Misdiagnosed and Misunderstood
My hair was always thick, so when I started losing it when I was 29, I was really upset. At first, I thought it was because I had my first baby, and you shed hair after you have a baby. But the shedding just didn’t stop. I had bald spots that were really, really noticeable, and it was quite depressing. I’ve had short hair before, but this time the control was taken away from me and I didn’t feel like my usual confident self.
It took a really long time for me to find out it was alopecia. When it comes to hair loss and black women, we are often misdiagnosed. It’s seen as something we are doing to our hair instead of it being done to us. Sometimes the doctors’ stereotypes of black women get in the way of a proper diagnosis. As soon as I went to the doctor, it was, “Oh, stop braiding your hair.” But I haven’t braided or relaxed my hair in years.
I was really let down by the health-care practitioners, even specialists like trichologists and dermatologists, who are often not knowledgeable about our hair type and the things that could be wrong with our health that causes that. There’s not enough research being done on black women’s hair loss. I’ve gone from fungal infection to traction alopecia to CCCA [central centrifugal cicatricial alopecia], and now they’re going with stress-induced alopecia from my post-traumatic stress and post-natal depression.
Embracing The Bald
After I was diagnosed, I didn’t cut my hair because I thought it would grow back. And, at some stages, it did grow back. But then when I had a bout of stress or a flare-up, my hair would fall out again. It became quite deflating. I hung onto my hair for longer than I would have because I was one of the first bloggers in the UK to talk about going natural. But how can you be a natural hair blogger with no hair?
Then, a couple of months ago, I came to the conclusion that it will never grow back to the way it was. So, I’m going to embrace being bald and stop being so obsessed with masking it. I didn’t want to be one of those women holding onto three strands of hair just because they are mine. There comes a point where you just have to let it go and feel truly confident in your natural beauty.
In 2015, I was sponsored by a hair brand to make a wig and do some content for them through my blog. It looked good on the outside, but the construction was horrendous. The more I got into it, the more I studied theatre wigs and how they can help you grow back your hair. I was still trying to grow back my hair, so I needed a truly protective style.
I wasn’t really happy with the textures and types of wigs I saw in shops or online at that time — the hair was very Eurocentric, very white. So, I decided to start making my own and it grew from there. I didn’t know how to set up a hair business, so I started selling the wigs on Depop, where bloggers share their clothes. It's been trial-and-error. I’ve made so many mistakes and had so many triumphs.
It takes me about 2.5 hours to complete the construction of a wig from wefts and a closure. That being said, if you add on styling and colour, it can take two whole days to do one wig. Everything is made to order, so I don’t have any stock lying around. My wigs start at £210. It goes up from there depends on how bougie you want to be. I make wigs for a TV presenter in South Africa, and hers are the biggest wigs I’ve ever made. If you wanted something like that, you are looking at £1,000.
I’ve done a lot of research and asked a lot of questions about where the hair I use comes from to make sure that it's 100% human and sourced ethically. There’s a lot of mislabeling. The majority of the hair that says it's Brazilian, Cambodian, Russian, Malaysian is not; it’s Chinese and Indian hair. If there is one thing I hope happens in the next few years, it’s that the hair industry becomes more transparent.
Mane Mission
A lot of my customers are trend-driven, but I’m trying to bring it back to the focus of hair and scalp health as well as hair loss. For a long time, I was using a wig as a crutch. I just want people to embrace their hair loss and to use wigs to enhance their look and protect their hair and not be a trend or a fad. I’m trying to get back in touch with the people I started this company for: people who suffer from hair loss. Even though I sell wigs, I do workshops where I teach people how to create wigs as well. It’s all about giving back to the women who have supported me.
I feel like people need to be honest about how hard it is to get started as an entrepreneur. I want to quit every other day, but then I have great days that make it all so worth it. You feel a sense of accomplishment and pride. I don’t feel a sense of richness, because I ain’t rich, but there is nothing better than being your own boss. It’s going to take a lot from you, and if you want to leave a lasting impression on an industry, you have to put your all into it. It can’t just be about how much money you make, it has to be the legacy you want to leave.
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Marvel Studios proved that Wakanda is forever when the Black Panther was nominated for seven Academy Awards, including Best Picture, making it the first superhero film to be nominated in the program's 90-year history. The film is also nominated for Best Costume Design, Best Sound Editing, Best Sound Mixing, Best Original Score, Best Original Song, and Best Production Design. It's redefining what it means to be both a box office breaking, as well as award-winning, film. And thankfully, there is more to come.
In October of 2018, Marvel broke the news that Ryan Coogler will be returning to direct the film, which is expected to begin shooting in late 2019 or early 2020.
This means the film will come after the highly-anticipated Avengers: Endgame, which is set to be released on April 26. The fourth Avengers movie has an awful lot to resolve, and— spoiler alert, though Infinity War has been out for long enough now— it has a lot of characters to reincarnate.
While Chadwick Boseman’s Black Panther is technically dead, he can’t afford to be gone for long with a major sequel in the works. Boseman’s contract apparently covers five films. He has appeared in only three, meaning he will almost certainly be back.
Marvel producer Kevin Feige has said that Wakanda will become an “anchor point” for future films, and that “some character's stories are just beginning.”
Okoye (Danai Gurira) and Shuri (Letitia Wright) will almost certainly return as well. “I think Shuri’s astounding, and you’ll see much more of her in our universe.” Feige told Entertainment Weekly. “Okoye, I think I’d watch three action films just Okoye.”
The release date has not been announced, but the upcoming Disney film schedule reveals that unnamed Marvel movies will come out in May and November of 2021. Mark your calendars, just in case; this is definitely going to be worth the wait.
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Welcome toMoney Diaries, where we're tackling what might be the last taboo facing modern working women: money. We're asking a cross-section of women how they spend their hard-earned money during a seven-day period – and we're tracking every last penny.
This week we're with a woman saving up to buy a house for the first time.
"I fairly recently started a new job, got a £10k pay increase and swapped a company car for a car allowance. I am currently trying to get over my imposter syndrome, which is difficult sometimes as I am out of my comfort zone in a new company, trying to set up completely new procedures. My boyfriend and I have been together six years and lived together for over five.
We currently rent but have decided to buy a new build in a development near us (thank you, Help to Buy) – the plots that we are considering won’t be ready until 2020 but that is not a bad thing as we need as much saving time as possible! I now earn about twice what my boyfriend earns so the expectation is that I will put in a higher percentage of the deposit – of course with all the legal agreements in place.
Up until recently we have very much been a splurge rather than save kinda couple and have had lots of wonderful trips as a result but my impending 30th birthday and seeing all our friends get on the property ladder, get married and have kids (pfft peer pressure) has given us a bit of a kick to take our future more seriously. I also wanted to do something a little more productive with my extra salary. It has been quite a culture shock for me to rein in my eating out with friends, spontaneous weekends away and shopping sprees."
Industry: IT programme manager Age: 29 Location: Leeds Salary: £60,000 + £6,000 Paycheque amount: £3,460 Number of housemates: 1 boyfriend + 3 cats
Monthly Expenses
Housing costs: £750 (split with my boyfriend so my share is £375, however all the bills come out of my account and he transfers me his half when he gets paid). Loan payments: £320 split between two loans – one has about £3,000 left on it and I pay £260 a month towards that and the other has around £800 left and I pay only £60 towards that. I know I should pay these down but we have a deadline on the deposit and these payments are manageable so I am prioritising house deposit even though I know I am paying interest on loans. My student loan comes directly out of my paycheque so isn’t included. Utilities: £143 council tax, £96 gas and electricity, £63.70 water, £12.37 TV licence, £101.48 Sky TV and broadband. Transportation: £300 car payment (when I changed jobs I went from having a company car to a car allowance so technically this is paid for using the car allowance and isn’t an expense from my salary), £60 car insurance, £17.99 car tax. Phone bill: £67 Savings? £400 a month into my LISA (I want to max out the £4k within the year so am paying in extra to ensure I hit it), £200 into a monthly saver, £250 into an instant access savings account for holidays/emergencies. Other: Cleaner £48 (£24 every other week). Dentist plan: £5 (my dentist is private and this gives me a check-up and hygienist appointment a year). Credit card: £200. I have a credit card that was once maxed out that I am paying down and it should be paid off completely within the year and then another credit card that I put maybe £50 of payments on a month and pay it off in full every month. Vet-prescribed cat food: £60 (two of my cats require vet cat food due to allergies – we have a monthly order of this from an online retailer to reduce the cost).
I also have a wax every month (£36) and shellac on my nails every other week (£22 a session). I pay for these at the time but they are monthly spends that I budget for.
Day One
7am: My alarm goes off later than usual as I work from home most Mondays. I snooze it for a little bit and then get up around 7.20. My boyfriend J is away for work (he left last night) and won't be back until late Thursday night so it's just me and the cats for the next three days. I feed them (from the noises they make you would think they were starved), brush my teeth, have a quick wash and throw on some 'working from home clothes' (leggings, baggy T-shirt, no bra!) and make a mint green tea.
7.45am: I settle at the dining room table to work. I have recently started a new job and the company is looking to me to implement all new change management procedures. They don't have much in place at the moment so it really is a blank canvas. I spend the morning reviewing tools to help and looking over what they have in place already.
12pm: After a productive morning (I have an outline of the new procedures I want to implement), I put some leftover potato bake in the microwave and eat at my computer. (Part of my attempt to curb spending is to batch cook lots of food at the weekend to reduce the number of meals I buy during the week.) I'm just getting over a mammoth bout of flu which completely decimated my sense of smell and taste and they're finally coming back. Thank god – a life without taste is not worth living.
2.30pm: The reason I work from home most Mondays is because I usually have a private horse riding lesson at 2.30 (they only do private lessons during working hours so I negotiated this as part of my new job, as it is something I really enjoy and one of the only times a week that I completely switch off). Today is my first lesson after the Christmas break and I thoroughly enjoy being back on a horse. My instructor works me really hard, which I love. I pay for a block of four sessions (£132) which I will draw down on throughout the month. It is expensive but so totally worth it.
3.30pm: Back at my laptop and finishing up some of my plans, have a few conference calls and prepare for my full day of meetings tomorrow. I decide that I still have enough energy after horse riding to go to hot yoga tonight, so log into my account at the local yoga studio and book into the 6pm class. £12
7.30pm: Home after a very challenging hot yoga class – I found it particularly difficult as it was my first class since waaaaay before Christmas. I get home, feed the cats and heat up some veggie Bolognese that I made yesterday with courgette, aubergine, pepper, onions, mushrooms, tomatoes and Quorn. (I'm not vegetarian but am trying to reduce my meat consumption for environmental reasons, to varying degrees of success.) I made six portions yesterday so I just cook some pasta and heat up the sauce.
9pm: After eating, washing up and cuddling/playing with the cats, I run a bath with some lavender scented bubble bath and have a long soak and wash my hair (one less job to do in the morning) then moisturise with Aveeno and Lush Sleepy cream and get into my PJs and settle in bed with the cats and watch Spencer, Vogue and Baby Too in bed. I read a couple of chapters of my book (The Tattooist of Auschwitz), text J for a bit and fall asleep about 10.30.
Total: £144Day Two
6.38am: I wake up feeling uneasy because it isn't to the sound of my alarm… Check my phone and see that it is 6.38 and my alarm is SILENTLY going off. Spring out of bed – my alarm was set for 6am! I feed the cats and jump in the shower (thank god I washed my hair last night), moisturise, apply very basic makeup, throw on some clothes, pack my lunch (leftover chorizo and veggie baked risotto made on Saturday) and a yoghurt to eat at my desk for breakfast and run out the door by 7.15.
8.20am: Arrive at work, eat my yoghurt and have a cup of mint green tea for breakfast and run through my meeting prep. I am in meetings pretty much all day today.
12.30pm: Quick break to warm up the risotto before back into a meeting room for a working lunch.
3.30pm: Mid-afternoon lull and I need something sugary. I start with a tangerine but that doesn't quite hit the spot so I move on to a cake bar (oops).
5.40pm: Leave the office. I had booked a spin class but only made it on to the waiting list and I haven't had a notification to bump me up to the actual class so I take this as a sign from the exercise gods that I don't need to exercise tonight.
6.45pm: Get home and am greeted by three vocal, hungry cats. Feed them, wash up my Tupperware from today and get straight into house clothes (that feeling when you take your bra off when you get home…heaven!).
7.15pm: I heat up the final portion of the potato bake from the weekend and make some peas and kale to go with it, put on a load of washing and settle on the sofa with the cats.
9pm: Hang out washing, have a quick bath and moisturise with Aveeno and Lush Sleepy cream then settle in bed and watch some TV/text with J. Set alarm (making sure the sound is on!) for 6am and turn the TV off around 10.30.
Total: £0Day Three
4.44am: Awoken by cat pawing at my face for snuggles.
6.10am: Get out of bed after snoozing my alarm… feed cats, change their litter, pack breakfast (yoghurt and muesli) and lunch (risotto, tangerine) and stand under shower to wake me up.
6.50am: Leave for work and decide en route that as I have a full day workshop I deserve a hot breakfast sandwich from the canteen. Resolve to save my yoghurt for tomorrow and not have a sandwich on Friday to make up for this midweek transgression!
8am: Sausage sandwich purchased (£1.70) and wolfed down and a day of workshops begins.
1.30pm: Workshops finish early (feeling mega productive today, which is a complete rarity in this new job – I mostly feel like I don't have a clue what is going on), warm up the risotto and eat at my desk while browsing Money Diaries (obvs).
2pm: I have a meeting with my boss tomorrow to present my suggested strategy so I spend most of the afternoon drinking mint green tea and working on my presentation. Feeling happy with my proposal but slightly overwhelmed at the amount of work there is to do and what the wider department's reaction might be.
6.45pm: On the way home I decide to heat up a portion of the veggie Bolognese that I have in the fridge but as I had a sausage sandwich, I will have it with baked sweet potato rather than pasta. I can’t be bothered going to the supermarket so stop off at the Sainsbury’s garage. They don't have sweet potato so I grab some parsnips and decide to roast them with honey and mustard (weird concoction I know, but it’s been a long day). In the queue, I spy some Maltesers bunnies next to the far cashier. I really want them but have had a very naughty day so I decide to leave it up to fate: if on my turn the cashier at the end is free I'll get them, otherwise I won't. I get the closest cashier and am silently gutted – no bunnies for me. I look longingly at them as I walk out with my parsnips. £0.85
7pm: Cats fed, parsnips in the oven (I drizzled on a bit of rapeseed oil, honey and wholegrain mustard), house clothes on and makeup off, then I put away yesterday’s washing.
7.30pm: On the sofa eating a very bizarre but surprisingly tasty meal of veggie Bolognese and roasted parsnips, fighting off cats who think that all food is theirs. Quick wash up and then settle down for an episode of Kirstie and Phil's Love It or List It (I have become obsessed with house programmes since J and I started saving to buy a house).
9pm: Bath, moisturise, PJs, bed to read/text J. While in bed I get a text from our cleaner to ask if she can switch her clean from Friday to Thursday (tomorrow). I respond to say that's fine and make a mental note to strip the beds in the morning. Fall asleep around 11pm.
Total: £2.55Day Four
6.30am: I have snoozed far too much and am up late. Run around doing usual routine: feed cats, shower, light makeup, pack breakfast and lunch.
8.40am: Traffic was a nightmare so get to my desk much later than usual. Eat Greek yoghurt and muesli for breakfast and down mint green tea. Realise I have forgotten to strip beds so text cleaner to apologise and see if she will still change the bedding in the master and second bedroom anyway – she says that’s fine. I transfer her £24 for today’s clean. Head down to finalise presentation for boss.
12.30pm: Heat up my lunch (the last portion of risotto) and eat at my desk, also demolish a packet of sweet chilli Sunbites (which have been sat in the bottom of a drawer for ages and are only two days in date) and a Fibre One 90 cake bar (salted caramel) for that sugar hit. Meeting with boss is scheduled for 2-3pm and then straight into a requirements session for a huge cutover we have scheduled in six weeks’ time so I need the energy.
5.45pm: Meeting with boss went okay! I am slightly overwhelmed by the amount of work there is to do but decide to leave the office and head home. I call J on the way – he is on his way home tonight but won't be back until after 9.30.
6.45pm: Remember that I have run out of sanitary towels for the evenings (eurgh to period week) so pop in to Sainsbury’s to pick some up. I also get honey and am not as strong-willed today near the chocolate and end up with Maltesers bunnies, Maltesers buttons and a bar of Chocolate Orange... At the till the cashier asks me if I have any fuel and at that point I remember I should have also got fuel. Oh well, I'll go tomorrow. £8.25
7pm: Home, usual routine. Feed cats, work clothes off, house clothes on, makeup off. I have veggie Bolognese and pasta in the fridge for my lunch tomorrow but there is plenty so I take some out and heat it up. Eat on the sofa while watching various new year 'dieting programmes' and protecting my food from the cats.
8.30pm: Bath time! (I don’t usually have a bath every night but since I am still a bit fluey I find it helps me relax and de-snot.)
9pm: I contemplate staying downstairs to wait for J but the bed looks so comfy so I get in and watch Madam Secretary. J comes home partway through and gets in for a cuddle before going downstairs to play on his Xbox. I watch an episode of The Orville before lights out at 11pm (J gets into bed around midnight).
Total: £32.25Day Five
6.20am: After a snooze and some cat petting, I scramble out of bed and feed the cats, pack lunches and put a wash on delay so that it's finished by the time we get home from work. I hear J's alarm going off while I'm downstairs; he's obviously snoozing too. I shower and leave it on for J and then annoyingly remind him of the time and that he needs to be up. We both work about an hour away (in completely different directions) and should in theory leave around the same time but J tends to drag his heels in the morning.
7am: I'm out the door by 7am but J is still messing about. As I did the cat feed, I leave him the litter tray to clean up (mwahahahaha). I stop at the garage to put fuel in my car and check my Monzo… I transfer all my 'spending money' (essentially everything that is in my 'extras' column on my monthly spreadsheet) into my Monzo account, the idea being that I only use that throughout the month. I have £140 left until payday in four days' time, which sounds healthy but I have an appointment on Saturday which will consume £100 of that so I may need to transfer some more from my current account. I try not to be so hard on myself; seeing as the last payday was Christmas and we were on holiday during the last pay period, I don't think I have done too badly. I decide to put in £15 worth of fuel to get me to payday. At the checkout I grab some Itsu sweet chilli prawn crackers for a desk snack later on. £15.60
8am: At my desk. I have resisted a sausage sandwich (go me) and tuck into my nowhere near as satisfying Greek yoghurt and muesli, and mentally prepare myself for the day ahead. TGIF.
11am: Morning meetings finish earlier than scheduled, yay. Send out agreed actions; am feeling like this week has been fairly productive overall. Text my friend D and make plans to go for sushi next Wednesday (we try to have a sushi date every couple of months and Yo Sushi is doing Blue Mondays for all weekdays during January). Eat the Itsu prawn crackers – they are yummy but there are barely any in the pack so I supplement them with an orange from my drawer.
12.30pm: I heat up the pasta I brought in for lunch and eat at my desk.
5.15pm: I leave work and call J on the way home. He is also travelling back from the office. I suggest we cook the pack of M&S sweet and spicy ribs that we have in the fridge tonight and J agrees. As I'll get home a bit earlier than J I plan to go to Morrisons to pick up some extra bits to make tabbouleh.
6.30pm: Stop at Morrisons. After wandering around they don’t have anything I need – the salad and veg area is practically bare! I head to M&S instead (I love M&S food so much). I get half a cucumber, some fresh flat leaf parsley, spring onions and peppers. £6.10
6.45pm: Back home and I feed the cats and make a start on dinner just as J comes through the door. We put out the washing and I finish off dinner.
8pm: We've eaten, washed up and are back on the sofa. J wants to watch the football (sigh) so I lie next to him and read so that we can both be in the same room as he has been away this week. But I get bored of listening to the football, so I run a bath and soak, moisturise and get into my pyjamas for when the football finishes.
10pm: All five of us (J and me and all three cats) laze in bed and catch up on two episodes of The Goldbergs. I fall asleep as J watches Family Guy re-runs.
Total: £21.70Day Six
8am: J gets up to feed the cats and get some bread out of the freezer for breakfast sandwiches. He comes back up and we snuggle for a bit in bed.
8.30am: We get up and head downstairs. I make a mint green tea and make breakfast (J is a terrible cook so generally I do most of the cooking). I have M&S less than 5% fat sausage sandwiches and J has sausages and beans on toast. We eat on our laps and watch another episode of The Goldbergs.
9am: J is going to football today (he has a season ticket so goes most Saturdays). His team are playing away so he and some of his 'football friends' (I can’t say that without putting on The Inbetweeners voice) are going in one car – J is not driving so he will be drinking. He asks if I could pick him up from his friend's later on and I agree as I don't have any other plans. He jumps in the shower and I potter around and wait for him to leave before getting ready myself.
10.30am: I have an eyebrow appointment in the city centre at midday and some errands to run beforehand so I am ready and out of the house for 10.30. I run to our letting agents to drop off our renewal contract. We are looking at buying a new build with Help to Buy but the plots that we're looking at are not due for completion until spring/summer 2020 so we have a while yet. I then run to the bakery and pick up a dozen brown bread cakes (£2.40) before setting off into town. I would usually get the train to avoid city traffic/parking but there are weekend strikes at the moment and the service is unreliable.
11.30am: I park and download the parking app as it's pay and display and I don't have any change. I get a text from my therapist to say she is back-to-back today so won't be able to let me in (she works alone in her own salon above a shop) until dead on midday, so I wander around the Asian supermarket taking in all the smells and resisting buying anything, then head to an ATM to take out cash for my appointment.
12pm: Arrive at my appointment. This is the second (and final) session for semi-permanent eyebrows. The full treatment is £270 but I have paid £170 already so there is just £100 to pay. It sounds like a lot of money but it should last for a year and means I don't have to fill my eyebrows in every day. We have a good natter as my therapist tattoos my eyebrows and I am thrilled with the results (£100).
1pm: I resist the urge of going in any shops and head straight for the car park. The parking app charges £2.75 to my card (I parked up near the universities, it's so much cheaper than any of the city centre car parks).
1.45pm: Back home. I roast the rest of the parsnips and have them with some leftover tabbouleh and pickled beetroot for lunch. I then potter around the house and chat with my mum on the phone.
5pm: Uh oh – a text from J to ask me to pick him up at about 6.30 from his friend’s house. He informs me that he is "sooooo drunk". We had discussed going out for Thai food tonight but maybe it would be best if we change that to a Chinese takeout and eat at home if J is feeling a bit worse for wear...
6.30pm: I pick up J and he wasn't exaggerating. He is very drunk. I find it quite funny – usually it's J picking me up, so it's interesting seeing things from his perspective! I find it slightly less funny though when I ask what a weird stain is on his jeans and he says he "accidentally had a sick burp" (gross). I order the Chinese and we pull over for J to get some cash out to pay for it (I figure this can be his treat as he is drunk and has sick on him).
7pm: I pick up the Chinese (leaving Sicky Sue in the car) and pay using J's cash.
7.10pm: We are home, J is changed and running a bath. I reluctantly agree to eating on the sofa as opposed to the table but make sure that J is surrounded by tea towels in case of any drunken spillages (thankfully there are none).
7.30pm: The food seems to have sobered J up a bit and he heads up to the bath while I clean up and then plonk myself on the sofa to text my girlfriends.
9pm: J hasn't come back downstairs and when I go to investigate I find him snuggled up in bed. I chuckle to myself and head back downstairs to cuddle with the cats and watch some Saturday night TV. I head to bed around 11pm (rock and roll).
Total: £105.15Day Seven
7.30am: Awake but lie in bed for about half an hour before getting up to feed the cats and put on a load of laundry. I head back upstairs and J is awake. We laugh about last night and make plans for today, deciding to go for a walk in the countryside. J's brother has recently had twins and we got two Harrods 'my first teddy bears' delivered to J's mum and dad's house. We need to pick them up today as we are due to visit them for the first time this evening.
8am: I make sausage sandwiches using the rest of the M&S sausages and two of the bread cakes I bought yesterday. We shower and get ready for the day.
10am: We head to J's parents and pick up the bears (they are adorable) and J borrows his dad's walking boots.
10.20am: Stop off at M&S and get some items for dinner tonight (I took two chicken breasts out of the freezer last night to defrost, am going to make saltimbocca). We get fresh sage, rosemary potatoes, tender stem broccoli, concentrated chicken stock, parma ham, two gift bags for the teddy bears and a card for J's brother. It comes to £17 but J pays (I bought the big shop last weekend).
12.30pm: We arrive at Malham after stopping off en route for J to pick up his vape from his friend’s house after drunkenly leaving it in the back of the car on the way back from football. The weather has taken a turn for the worse and it is blowing a gale and raining, but we set off on our walk anyway...
2pm: We survived a walk of just under four and a half miles! It was very slippy and I am covered in mud as I fell over about three times. But the views were worth it and if J had a hangover the cobwebs have definitely been blown away. We go to a little café in the village to have lunch/dry off before heading back to the car. I order a tuna melt and a pot of tea and J has scrambled eggs on toast and a Diet Coke. It comes to £11 but J pays again (I think this must be residual guilt from last night’s antics, haha).
Before we leave the café I pick up some Kendal mint cake and a MASSIVE slice of Bakewell tart to take away and eat later. £4
4.30pm: We get home and are both freezing so I run a bath and J puts on the football (so many baths and so much football in this MD). While I am in the bath, J gets a text from his brother, putting off our visit until next weekend.
6.45pm: We are both bathed and in house clothes, and I pre-heat the oven and put in the potatoes. While we wait for them to cook we research hotels for a friend’s wedding in the Lakes later in the year. As it is in the summer holidays everywhere is quite expensive, so we settle on a Premier Inn and make plans to book that when I get paid next week (J will transfer me his share when he gets paid at the end of the month). We then browse some activities for an upcoming trip to Copenhagen but don’t book anything. (I am one of those people that puts together itineraries for holidays – I love an activity.)
7.30pm: Dinner is ready and we eat at the table. Then we clean up and decamp to the sofa to watch Luther. I text a friend who invites me to a gig a week on Tuesday – free as her husband can no longer go. Of course I say yes – who would turn down a free ticket to live music?!
10pm: Several episodes of Luther later, we head up to bed. J packs for tomorrow (he is heading off and will be away tomorrow night) and we watch a couple of episodes of American Dad before falling asleep.
“It happens quite slowly and they're quite cunning with it,” 25-year-old Kelly tells Refinery29 on the phone. “You don't always see the red flags straightaway. It takes a while.” It was a long time before Kelly felt able to talk about the domestic abuse she'd been experiencing. Her husband was controlling, violent and emotionally abusive, yet if the police were called to their home because of a disturbance – either reported by herself or by the neighbours – she'd deny that anything had happened. It took several more attacks before she told the truth and sought the help she needed.
The case that followed her report took a few months. Kelly explains that not long after she reported her husband Kieron, the police asked if she wanted to be part of a documentary about women's experiences of domestic abuse. “It was really emotional,” Kelly says. “It needs more awareness. It's kind of taboo. People just don't go to the police.” She agreed to participate, in the hope that the film would give people the strength to come forward. Now, she appears alongside 45-year-old Hazel in Channel 5's tough but poignant new doc, The Abused.
In the documentary, Hazel explains that she tried to ignore the warning signs when her partner, Jason, started to become physically abusive. We meet her for the first time on screen when the police respond to her call after being punched and stamped on the head. Needless to say, the aftermath is distressing and shocking to see. The extent of what Hazel has had to endure becomes increasingly clear as she tells more of her story. We meet Kelly in similar circumstances, as the police respond to her call after being attacked by her husband. Between the footage gathered by police officers' body cameras, the taped recordings of each woman's 999 call, and interviews with Hazel and Kelly in the months that followed, we're given an alarmingly intimate insight into what it's really like to go through domestic abuse and then have to deal with the aftermath.
Both Kelly and Hazel pursue legal action against their partners and the journey that they each have to take is far from straightforward. There are restraining orders, further harassment cases and what many could only imagine as a persistent feeling of not quite being safe – especially in the difficult limbo between their attackers being charged, released and eventually jailed.
A particularly frustrating reality to face is the difficulty of gathering enough evidence; as one police officer says in the documentary, it often comes down to one person's word against the other's. “I did tell my two best friends [about the abuse] but I got beatings for that as well,” Kelly says to camera. “That's what they do. They just cut you off from everyone. It's not just the fear of the beatings, it's the fear of what if they don't believe you.”
On the phone, Kelly admits that the whole thing was sometimes a struggle to pursue. “I did have a big meltdown to my support worker and stuff, saying I can't do it anymore, but I persevered with it and here we are.” Having watched the documentary, she says that she didn't expect the end product to be so in depth but sees it as a good thing. It's a difficult watch but sadly, that's precisely the point. At the moment, police are called to domestic abuse incidents every 30 seconds and in Britain two women are murdered by their partner every week. Upsetting as it may be to face, the urgency with which we need to recognise the extent of such a prolific yet often hidden issue is clear. Kelly and Hazel hope that in sharing their stories, not just of the abuse but of surviving the emotional strain that follows the reporting of an incident, it'll be a little bit easier to do so.
Until I was 23, I had only ever slept with cis men and always felt conflicted when it came to sex because on one hand, I love it – like, really love it – but equally I was scared to enjoy it because of the stigma attached to being a sexually active woman. From a young age, a woman's sexual agency is policed by society and I found myself sleeping with men to validate my femininity – often men who would play upon my insecurities. After some unhealthy relationships with men, at 21 I consciously became celibate to find out what I actually wanted from relationships. At 23, I realised Hey, I think I might like women too.
Soon after, I went on my first date with an androgynous woman I met on Tinder. After a few drinks at a rooftop bar, we hit a club and I ended up in an Uber back to hers. My celibacy came to an end that night. From that moment, the way I viewed myself, my sexuality, my body, my sexual agency and gender changed.
The unwritten rules of dating and sex in the hetero world rob women of their sexual agency; I didn’t realise just how little agency I had over my own sex life until I began dating women. I realised I was either abstaining from sex out of fear of being seen as a 'hoe' or having orgasm-less sex because I prioritised a man's pleasure over my own. I’ve since had to spend a lot of time unpacking and unlearning the toxic behaviour and language I inevitably picked up through my years of heterosexual dating, in order to have healthy relationships with women.
One of the biggest things I have learned since sleeping with women is that there is no shame in being a fluid person.
One of the biggest things I have learned since sleeping with women is that there is no shame in being a fluid person. My gender expression is both masculine and feminine. Yet when I was dating men, my femininity became a performance because in my head the man already 'fulfilled' the masculine role in the relationship, so I felt like I had to hyper-feminise myself and hide my masculinity. This continued to play out as I dated the first woman I slept with. She was androgynous and masculine presenting, so I found myself once again performing my femininity. Every time I saw her, I’d wear tight dresses and makeup, and during sex I became a 'pillow princess' – receiving, never giving pleasure. I’m not going to lie, it was a role I was happy to play because shit, I deserved orgasms after my years of having none.
It was weird that having sex with a woman felt natural; it didn’t feel awkward and for once I wasn’t squirming to hide my body. But I was still trying to hide my masculinity. Not because I was told by the girl I was dating that I had to fulfil the feminine role or that she didn’t like to receive pleasure, but I couldn’t shake myself from the heteronormative gender roles or realise that relationships could exist outside of this binary, same sex or otherwise.
Having sex with women has also made me feel comfortable enough to explore sex and the various ways of receiving pleasure, from switching between dominant and submissive roles to different positions and the use of toys. While I’m now a proud owner of a plethora of sex toys, when my ex-girlfriend took me on a surprise date to a sex shop to buy my first toy – a strap – I did a double take, thinking Omg what if somebody sees me? I felt so embarrassed going into the shop; evidently, I still carried so much shame around sex. I was avoiding eye contact with absolutely everybody, while my ex was grabbing dildos, asking me which size and colour I wanted. I was just like, “Fam, I do not know”. She asked a shop assistant for help and I swear at that very moment I wanted the ground to eat me up. Which is ironic because here I am writing a very public article about my sex life. What do we call that? Growth.
As I grew more into my queerness and became more comfortable expressing my fluidity, I began to notice how misogyny, sexism and gendered thinking still exists within the LGBTQ+ community and how the way I presented myself dictated my own experience within the community. Now, as a more masculine presenting person, I have found that some women will assume I am the 'dominant' person in bed and adopt the role of the 'man'. While there are women who are happy to play that role, I’m not one of them. A couple of years ago, a girl I was dating asked me to 'strap' her (have sex with a strap-on dildo) the first time we slept together. I had a strap but we’d never spoken about it – I’d only ever used it with my ex-girlfriend and to be honest, she strapped me more than I did her – so this girl must have assumed I had one and that I wanted to take the 'dominant' role in bed. Wrong. I like to throw it back, too.
Sex with women has shown me intimacy and reciprocity in ways that I never had with men and has given me levels of body confidence I never knew I could reach. I’ve had my naked body described in ways I’d never imagined; my vulva, which I’ve always been embarrassed about because it doesn’t look like the 'perfect pussy' you see in porn, no longer brings me shame.
It sounds really cheesy but I’ve never had my body complimented in the way I have had it complimented by women. My unfiltered naked body, appreciated in ways I didn’t know I deserved. Through seeing the beauty in other women, I was able to see the beauty in myself. Women have shown me compassion, intimacy and acceptance. I am my most vulnerable during sex and have seen my fluidity stripped bare. Without clothes, my fluidity is still valid. I’m now at a point in my life where I’m happily in love with a woman who has both affirmed my fluidity and allowed me to explore what it means to me, without shame.
Through sleeping with women I’ve learned that there is no shame in having sex and we should normalise speaking about it. During sex, you need to communicate. The moment I rid myself of shame, I was able to communicate what I liked in bed, how I liked to be pleasured and importantly, what I wanted from the relationship. Without the need to lie, manipulate or shame. Was it just sex? A one-night stand? A relationship? Communication really is key. The more I communicated what I wanted, the more orgasms I had. Sleeping with women not only gave me my voice; it gave me the orgasms I deserve.
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When it comes to skincare, it can be difficult to get frank, independent advice on things such as how to treat acne, which buzzy skincare ingredients are worth your time and the products that actually work. With many dermatologists charging up to £250 for a single consultation, it's no wonder we're doing most of the research ourselves and adding the latest beauty-focussed books to our reading lists.
The next tome to get stuck into? The Skin Nerd: Your Straight-Talking Guide To Feeding, Protecting & Respecting Your Skin, by Jennifer Rock. You might know the skin therapist from Instagram, where her friends and clientele include models, influencers and other skin professionals. Not only is she lovely to chat to, but her take on how best to care for your skin is refreshingly frank. Here’s what we learned when we caught up with the pro herself.
Try not to self-diagnose your skin problems
From adult acne to rosacea, it’s all too easy to google your skin symptoms and come away with an entirely new skincare routine. But according to Jennifer, getting it wrong could be a setback.
“We may often read an article, align with it to a degree and decide that is our skin type or skin condition. As a result, we may purchase products that might not be good for us.” If you don’t have the time or budget to visit a skin therapist or dermatologist, and self-diagnosing is your only option, try and see your new routine through before switching things up again. “If you’re using products you’ve bought, try them for 28 days or so and take pictures in between to see whether your skin is showing a difference,” said Jennifer. “We all want miraculous changes and to see a difference yesterday, but it’s important to remember that marketing is a really clever tool when it comes to selling products. The longer term you commit to a skincare routine, the better.”
The only three ingredients you need for great skin
If you don’t have any specific skin issues, such as eczema, Jennifer recommends three key ingredients to incorporate into your skincare routine. “Antioxidants, vitamin A of some sort (but not always retinol – more on that later) and an SPF. Things like essences and pre-serums add way too many steps.”
One of the most popular antioxidants out there is vitamin C (look for L-ascorbic acid in the ingredients list for the most effective form) thanks to its ability to mop up skin-ravaging free radicals like pollution. R29 rates Clinique’s Fresh Pressed Daily Booster With Pure Vitamin C 10%, applied in the morning after cleansing. You can add two drops to moisturiser or use alone. You might also have heard of vitamin E’s brilliant antioxidant properties, and combined with vitamin C, protection is even better. But as it becomes an oil at room temperature, it could have the potential to clog pores, so those with acne-prone skin will do better with vitamin C.
“In terms of retinol, it’s about starting off at a low level, or using a different form of vitamin A,” said Jennifer. It’s best to use an ingredient like this in the evening, as vitamin A can be unstable and break down in sunlight. “For example, you can start off using a retinyl palmitate or retinyl acetate, which are esters of retinol. They won’t convert to retinol when they come in contact with your skin but they are a far more gentle way to introduce your skin to something that can be potentially irritating.” If your skin is prone to dryness, dermatologists suggest avoiding retinol.
If you are using retinol or any other vitamin A product, a slathering of SPF is a must every morning, as these ingredients can make your skin super sensitive to UV.
This is the expert way to pop a spot
“When a spot has a little whitehead is probably the best time to go at it, but always wash your hands first to avoid pushing more bacteria inside,” explained Jennifer. “Wrap a tissue around your forefingers and don’t use your nails! Treat it like a wound. Put some sort of antibacterial product on it, like Savlon. People forget that they have created an opening when they pop a spot.”
It’s also important to note that if you squeeze to the point where you get blood, you’re more prone to seeing post-inflammatory hyperpigmentation, Jennifer explained. “The spot can annoy you, but that mark can irritate more. When the spot is under the skin, without a whitehead, the only way you’re going to be able to treat it is by using an on-the-spot product.”
Face masks aren’t that beneficial after all
Face masks are essentially the salt and pepper to any skincare routine, says Jennifer. In other words, they're a great addition, but aren’t always entirely necessary. Sorry, multi-masking obsessives.
“Masks really aren’t the core and the multi-masking craze has led people down the wrong path. For me, it’s all about getting your cleanser, serum and SPF right. If you have that down, then it’s time to look at a mask. A face mask is a quick fix, your short term, a precursor. I do love a hyaluronic acid mask and I am a fan of sheet masks. I like salicylic acid and lactic acid masks for exfoliation, but I’m not a huge advocate of glitter masks, masks with magnets or charcoal masks – I don’t recommend those regularly. They’re fun and great for Instagram, but do they really have a function for good skin? Not really.”
Don’t always trust buzzy skincare brands
“The responsibility of any brand is to educate, and that brand doesn’t educate,” said Jennifer, when we asked her thoughts on The Ordinary. “They have phenomenal products and a great success story but it’s important that people using those products know what to do and what not to do. People are just buying without knowing. For example, clients ask me if they can mix things like salicylic acid and lactic acid, but they probably only really need one or the other. This is my bugbear with every brand, however.”
Her advice? “I believe every brand should have videos, tutorials and a live chat on their website where people can have access to a therapist or a doctor so that they can ask questions. The labels on products themselves should also tell you what to do. A lack of information can put people off a product that could otherwise have been great for their skin.”
There’s a right and a wrong way to use hyaluronic acid
Long-haul flights call for more moisture but according to Jennifer, hyaluronic acid might not be the best ingredient for the job in this instance.
“Hyaluronic acid is a humectant and draws moisture from the air,” explained Jennifer. “As we know, on an aeroplane, the air is drying. Some of my clients find that their skin is more dehydrated when they use hyaluronic acid so products really need to have something in there other than just that ingredient, something that locks moisture into the skin rather than drawing it from elsewhere. Emollients and oils trap moisture into the skin and ceramides mimic the skin’s natural protective layer – these are ideal.” Her top recommendation? “Dr Jart+ broke the mould with his Ceramidin Cream, £35.50. You can really feel the goodness going back in.”
Expensive skincare doesn’t always equal good
This is the one myth Jennifer wishes we’d stop believing.
“People often think that something which costs £100 plus must mean it’s the premium option, but really, you’re paying for endorsements, extra heavy packaging and other things not related to the actual formula,” she explained. “Consumers need to be aware that they should be paying for the quality of the ingredients. Again, when buying a product, make sure it has those three key ingredients – antioxidants, vitamin A and SPF – inside.”
Always avoid fragrance where you can
We know that things like parabens aren’t as bad for the skin as we’ve been made to believe, but fragrance is a different story.
“Often I see people buying products because they smell nice but things like fragrances and essential oils can irritate the skin to the point of no return. I’m a fan of buying quite bland, fragrance-free skincare products. Buy a candle or a room diffuser for a nice smell!”
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My masturbatory habits had historically followed a predictable, and somewhat lacklustre, pattern. But I was struck by a rumour I’d heard that women were capable of 14 different types of orgasm. If this was true then I was majorly missing my target by having my quickly snatched clitoral ones while wanking to online porn.
I did a bit of research to find out what these orgasms entailed, and what I discovered I found to be... well, fascinating and infuriating and heartbreaking and oddly life-changing too.
First of all, I took to Google to find out if there was any truth in the 14 figure and wow, articles on Google confirmed that I, Lucy-Anne Holmes, person with a pussy, was a PLEASURE MACHINE!!! Yes, I was capable of 14 types of orgasm, oh hang about, no, other articles I read told me it was three types of orgasm, seven types of orgasm, nine types of orgasm, four types of orgasm, 12 types of orgasm!
I found myself leaping about Google and scouring books, more and more curious about the subject of female anatomy and pleasure. I was a woman in her 30s discovering this information for herself, and yet at the same time I had this feeling that I was uncovering and unearthing facts that weren’t widely known to the majority of women.
For a start, I realised that I didn’t even know my own pleasure map – I’d had the clitoris all wrong. I thought it was a little bean. But actually the bit of the clitoris you can see is just a small part of it; there is much more behind the scenes. In 2005, it was discovered that internally it is actually a wishbone shape. The clitoral glans is the little bean bit that looks like it’s just a quarter to a half inch long, but in fact extends backwards into two branches called 'crura' that are each about three to three and a half inches in length.
I also learned that it is MEGA SENSITIVE, with two to three times more nerve endings than the penis. Wow. We have LOADS more nerve endings than the boys. Why aren’t clitorises running the world?! And it is the only bit on a male or female body that is there solely for pleasure. Yee-haw. Let the good times roll.
And yet, as I sat and thought about it and researched it, I saw that life had been an absolute bastard to this little twinkle, this hotspot of female sexuality. Throughout history and across the world the clitoris has been ignored, lambasted or actually cut off. And that is a really fucking sobering thought. The only bit of the human body that is solely for pleasure resides on the female of the species and it is cut from us. On what planet could this happen? Oh – ours.
I discovered that the G-spot was a little way up my vagina on the belly side. Although it wasn’t 'invented' until the 1980s and that was only by doctors who were doing some research about stress incontinence. But then in 2014 a bunch of Italian scientists decided that we don’t have a G-spot at all and started referring to it as the CUV region. CUV stands for clitoral urethral vaginal, which I don’t know about you, but I find a bit tricky to pull off when I’m talking dirty.
I also found out about cervical orgasms and these really surprised me. Historically, when someone said 'cervix' I didn’t think 'sexy fun time'. And I don’t think it’s just me that was surprised to find out you could have a cervical orgasm. Even Wikipedia doesn’t mention it. But, blimey, Google told me that cervical orgasms are THE SHIT! Words like 'powerful', 'mystical' and 'ecstasy' are bandied around in relation to the cervical orgasm. And I was well up for some powerful, mystical ecstasy.
Here is the rest of the orgasm menu...
Taoist texts from the fourth century mention female ejaculation, as does the ancient Indian Kama Sutra, and nowadays it’s splashing out all over the place in online porn. Researchers Beverly Whipple and John D. Perry found out that the stimulation of the G-spot (or CUV region) can result in this squirting of... oh, here’s another bloomin’ controversy, some say it’s wee, some say it isn’t. All I know is that there can be a bit of it or a proper soggy-bed sized amount of fluid. But while Western academics are quibbling over what the fluid is, tantric people are LOVING it, whatever it is, as you can tell by the name they give it, amrita, which means nectar of the gods.A vaginal orgasm, as the name would suggest, is an orgasm that comes from stimulation within the vagina.Or as I like to call it, 'the bit that is a bit higher up than the G-spot' orgasm. From what I can gather, the A-spot (also sometimes referred to as the deep spot) is all the way up the belly side of your vagina, beyond the G-spot, before but near the cervix. I had never heard of it. Apparently, according to an article I read and enjoyed in Vice, it was discovered by a sex educator and pleasure coach, awesomely named Glamazon Tyomi, who discovered her A-spot while with a partner. "I began to realise how moist I would become in certain positions when my partner was deep. The increase in wetness would also come with a warm, calming, euphoric feeling across my body, and I noticed that it would happen with deep penetration near my cervix... I knew this wasn’t something that was commonly experienced or discussed, so I began to do research."Or as I call it, 'the bit higher up and on the other side of the G-spot' orgasm.
Apparently, when the vagina is aroused, it can balloon to open up a new area just below and behind the cervix, which can be known as the cul de sac, and is said to be incredible when stimulated or reached with the tip of a penis. I got a bit muddled when reading articles about this online though, because, confusingly, some sexperts refer to the anterior fornix as being the deep spot, while for others it is the posterior fornix.Calling it an anal orgasm is a bit of a misnomer, as from what I can glean, while it’s certainly possible to have an orgasm when having anal sex, it’s not an anal orgasm as such, but more likely owing to indirect stimulation of the G-spot or clitoris or even the posterior fornix. It could even be an energy-gasm (which we’ll come to in a moment).Some say there is a throat clit. I have to say I doubted this one, thinking it was part of some sort of blowjob conspiracy – especially as when you do an internet search for throat orgasm you get pages and pages of blowjob videos. What? Women have a throat clit but not men? What do you take us for? But an academic fella called Herbert Otto, in his 1999 study Liberated Orgasm: The Orgasmic Revolution, found that both women and men can orgasm from the mouth. The mouth is a primary erotic zone with the capacity for triggering its own unique orgasms. The sensations usually start in the lips, tongue, or roof of the mouth or throat. Intense feelings of pleasure build up in the lips and then at the point of release, a full-body orgasm is experienced. Men were less likely to want to talk about them, though.This is when your whole body vibrates with orgasmic energy. It doesn’t have to have anything to do with genital touching, as you might expect. There are many videos online of people giving and receiving these and they do look a bit odd, I have to say, and as though some magic is at work. The people in the videos are generally clothed and one of them sits up and waves their arms over another person who is lying down; at some point the person on the floor starts writhing and howling. This apparently is a whole-body orgasm, and can make the recipient feel alive, tingly and as though they have experienced a big energetic release. Curious.There is a patch of erectile tissue either side of and above a woman’s urethra, which, according to Cosmopolitan, can be lovely when gently stimulated.Research on non-genital orgasms in 2011 discovered that stimulation of the nipple activates an area of the brain called the genital sensory cortex, which is the same region activated by stimulation of the clitoris, vagina and cervix. So it would appear that women’s brains process nipple and genital stimulation in the same way. Therefore, it can often be the case that women love breast play and stimulation and can even orgasm from it. I think I had got pretty close to experiencing this myself before.These tend to be more often acknowledged in tantra and New Age circles rather than in mainstream culture. They can be brought on by focused, deep rhythmical breathing. You build energy with your breath, altering your state of consciousness, and often initiating a release of energy/change in consciousness, which can be pretty intense.A sort of mix and match of any of the above.As far as I can tell, this term was coined by my favourite sexpert, Annie Sprinkle. Let’s quote from the brilliant book she wrote with Beth Stephens, The Explorer’s Guide to Planet Orgasm: "During a megagasm it can feel as if a lifetime of pent-up emotion were bursting free – and it is. Your body feels open, with electricity streaming through. You may experience lots of tingling in your hands and lips, your jaw may chatter and your lover may end up having some kind of contact orgasm too. Just hold on tight, and ride, ride, ride that humongous wild tidal wave of bliss." In her documentary Sluts and Goddesses, Sprinkle is filmed having a five-minute megagasm. I’ll just repeat that: A FIVE-MINUTE MEGAGASM. It is indeed mega. I dig Annie Sprinkle.Annie Sprinkle also talks about microgasms. If we tap away our thoughts right now we can "focus on our erotic energy body, and visualise the orgasmic flow inside us" and bring on orgasmic feelings. Don’t dismiss it as woo-woo, I became aware of this when I was holidaying with the Germans and they kept asking me how I was feeling in my body. Often I felt a little 'orgasm-y', as though little currents were moving through my body and I was bobbing away with them, like a moored boat. It was through these currents that I could feel the hints and essence of orgasm.
So, keen student that I was, I got practising. I earmarked some time here and there for wanking practice and oh, I hadn’t had so much fun in a long time. "I just gave myself the most amazing orgasm," I practised telling the vegans, feeling like some sort of emancipated sex goddess.The above is an extract from Don't Hold My Head Down by Lucy-Anne Holmes, which is out now, published by Unbound.
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A new first of its kind survey in the UK shows the detrimental impact of attempts to change a person’s sexual orientation, also knows as conversion therapy. The 2018 Faith & Sexuality Survey of 4613 respondents provides strong evidence of the harm caused by such tactics.
It found that more than half of those who had attempted to change their sexual orientation reported mental health issues and less than a third said that they “have gone on to lead a happy and fulfilled life”. Of those who suffered mental health issues (281 people), nearly a third (91 people) said they had attempted suicide while over two-thirds (193 people) said they had had suicidal thoughts.
In the UK, it was recently announced that the government plans to ban the practice as part of an initiative to improve the lives of those in the LGBTQ community. The decision comes after a national survey of LGBTQ people revealed that 2% of respondents had experienced conversion therapy while 5% had been offered it. In a statement, Prime Minister Theresa May said: “For anyone who is LGBT, or has a family member or friend who is, these results will be sadly recognisable.”
Talking therapy is the most typical form of conversion therapy, but is still detrimental to a person’s mental health. Reverend Sally Hitchiner from Diverse Church, who works with over 1,000 people in the UK recovering from such practices, said: “If they don’t discover us, they often become suicidal. They realise they can’t change their sexuality so they feel like they might as well end their life.”
Twenty-seven-year-old Shulli, a consultant from London, attended one-on-one gay conversion therapy earlier in her 20s. Judi Price, a 56-year-old photographer and physician's assistant from Kansas, attended a religious therapy programme as a young adult. Here both women tell Refinery29 their stories.
Shulli, 27, London
I first came out to my mum over dinner while on holiday when I was 11. I thought I was just telling her who I fancied as I didn’t get the concept of gay and straight. As I was so young, we both brushed it off and we didn’t really speak about it again. I came out again at 18 and then properly in my early 20s.
Both my parents were really shocked because we didn’t know anyone who was gay. Despite this, they were quite supportive, though they were concerned about what this would mean for my future. Though the Jewish community is not averse to homosexuality, I personally felt as if I were sinning. I had heard rumours that people had turned straight so I thought it would be best for me to do the same.
I got in touch with some really conservative Rabbis and that’s how I got introduced to gay conversion therapy. I took a year out of university and went to weekly sessions with an expensive therapist, which I funded with the money I made over the summer.
My therapy started with them looking for the 'cause' of my gayness. They blamed low self-esteem, my relationship with my parents and childhood trauma. I desperately tried to find out about any abuse from my past, thinking I may have blocked it out of my mind. But this just didn’t seem to be the case. When this didn’t work, they used scare tactics.
They told me being gay was all about sex and partying. I was led to believe I wouldn’t be able to be in a loving relationship with marriage and kids.
They told me being gay was all about sex and partying. I was led to believe I wouldn’t be able to obtain a loving relationship with marriage and kids. They later told me it could be as a result of something I had done in my past life, so we did a past life regression, which was a form of meditation where we looked for something that may have caused me to be gay. I couldn’t see anything so I just made it up when asked about it. Of course that didn’t work, so I grew frustrated.
After considerable time had passed, I eventually told my therapist I didn’t trust him. I felt as if I’d gone the extra mile and it still wasn’t working. I’d even ask for homework and block out any thoughts that went against what I was learning, but I still felt no difference. I asked him to introduce me to someone it had worked on if we were to continue. This took him six months – in the meantime I had to continue paying for my sessions. I asked the girl they brought if she could kiss or have sex with someone of the opposite sex, to which her answer was no. She was clearly not straight so I stopped the therapy.
The idea of a test is prevalent within all religious groups that are trying to stop people from being gay. They say most people don’t know what their life test is but you’re lucky enough to know it. It scares you out of leaving therapy as you don’t want to be a failure. I finally managed to, but it wasn’t easy. Thinking about trying not to be gay all day, every day, was exhausting. I’d randomly burst out crying so eventually my dad begged me to stop.
As a result of the therapy, I now find it hard to trust people, especially those in positions of power.
Judi, 56, Kansas
In my third year studying a degree in biology and chemistry at MidAmerica Nazarene University, near Kansas City, my friend Stephanie and I kissed. Despite being attracted to her, I didn’t realise I was gay at the time. I had no gay role models and homosexuality was never mentioned in church. For me, kissing didn’t feel sexual, but once it intensified, I could no longer justify our relationship as a friendship. I felt guilty and I couldn’t talk to anyone about it, so I broke it off.
After Stephanie, I dated more women, but it was always the same narrative: I’d date them and my faith would get in the way. It was a terrible feeling because I really liked these women and it was incomprehensible to them why we were breaking up. But for me, I thought being gay meant I was going to hell, so it wasn’t a choice.
The speakers emphasised that being gay was mental and, thus, changeable.
One year, when the usual guilt occurred, the girl I was dating convinced me to talk to a pastor. He offered to pay for me to go to a seminar. The conference was for people who were 'sexually broken' so sex addicts also attended. The speakers emphasised that being gay was mental and, thus, changeable. At the time, I despised being this way because it was painful to meet someone I wanted to date, but not be able to.
I searched for ex-gay groups in my area and found one with a live-in programme for men, and weekly group therapy sessions and bible studies for those who could not or chose not to do the live-in programme. It was very similar to drug rehab. They emphasised that the feelings we had were unnatural and were impulses akin to having an alcohol addiction. They explained that being gay was a byproduct of negative life experiences, such as being sexually assaulted, or as a result of negative relationships with same sex parents. I had a bad relationship with my mother, who physically abused me as a child, so I strongly believed this to be the reason.
I dedicated myself to getting out of this mindset with the group for almost three years and prayed ardently about not being gay. But it never happened. I became frustrated once I established the conversion wasn’t working. I realised that not only could I never date women because of my beliefs but neither could I date men.
I eventually realised the group was a lie and left to join a gay positive church, but the road to accepting my sexuality was not easy. In that time period, I would've killed myself if it weren’t for my will to live. I have a very strong family history of depression and suicide, so I was determined not to be another one. I did know queer people who had killed themselves so for me, gay conversion therapy is not just a social issue, it's a life and death issue.
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